Dear Lactnetters,
     I have been on the mailing list for some time, now, avidly reading
in and learning tremendous things.  I am always especially attuned to
messages dealing with the Preparation for Parenting and Babywise books by
the Ezzos.  I have been a LLL Leader for 10 years and an LC for five and
also happen to belong to one of those churches in which many of the
parents are influenced to follow this program.  This has been an almost
continual frustration for me and other church members who are concerned
about the children who are being raised using this method.  While we are
certainly not objective in our assessment, we,  never the less, feel that
many of these children seem withdrawn and on edge.  And while it saddens
me to see my fellow church members so taken with ( perhaps brainwashed is
a better word) this program, I have learned to be very careful about the
way I make suggestions when working with these families.
     My reason for writing, tonight, however, is because of a wonderful
conversation I had with a newly delivered mother this week.  This mother,
a fellow church member and a nurse is part of the group of young parents
at my church who meet in a small group to study this method of parenting.
 I knew this, but have a committment to minister to the breastfeeding
mothers in my church.  I visited her  in the hospital the day after the
birth, her second child and another girl.  Her first child is 20 months
old and she did not successfully nurse her for long due to "extreme
frustration" as she put it.  We talked about all the normal things: latch
on, when her milk would come in, how pretty the baby was.  Then we got on
the subject of how often to nurse.  I gave my speel on "nursing on
request" and said I was aware that it differed from the Prep. for
Parenting philosophy.
     The mother hesitated and it felt as is she were almost glancing
around the room before she said,  "Well, they do make several good
points."
     I agreed with her to a certain extent, but asked if she had noticed
that most new moms at church don't nurse for long.  She said she had
realized that.
     I also told her that I did not personally agree with making small
babies cry themselves to sleep and gave her one of my "life is short;
children are to be enjoyed" lines.  At this point she sighed and said
that she had decided not to make this baby cry herself to sleep from such
a young age.  She admitted that the program had not worked for her or her
first baby.  We then began a very open discussion on the ways the program
indoctrinates new parents into feeling that they are harming their
children if they follow their instincts and answer the children's needs.
     She told me that she found herself to be very legalistic when
following the guidelines and that she could find no way to justify
varying the routine suggested.  She had made her baby cry herself to
sleep from five weeks on, even though she herself had to go outside
during these crying periods due to the stress it made her feel.  As the
baby grew up and became a toddler, she rethought what had happened with
the first experience and decided that this time she would use prayer and
not the Ezzos for guidance.
     Well, I have been feeling mush better about life since this
happened.  I have begun to feel that  Prep for Parenting almost certainly
is a fundamentalist Christian fad, that will most likely begin to die out
as these parents grow and mature. I believe that as LCs we must learn to
meet people on what common ground we can and work with them from there.



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