Everyone has said really beautiful things to you, Pat, and I hope that you
feel better. I don't remember what your background is, but I would like
to put in my .02 about "control". I have a feeling that the urge to
control is quite strong in humans, due to our achieving
top-of-the-food-chain success by manipulating our environment. Now, in
some of us, this urge to control spills over to wanting to control other
people, and here's the rub. I believe that this temptation (and please
hold onto this word "temptation" since this is in no way a blanket
accusatory!) is especially strong in professions like medicine, nursing,
yes, and lactation counselling. When our patient or client chooses not to
do what is advised, it is called patient non-compliance, and I'm sure
that the physicians and nurses on the line know exactly what kind of
frustration is felt here. It is felt by anyone dealing in
interventionistic treatment. As has been said before, and much more
eloquently, we must let go and we must empower mothers and we must let
others learn through their own mistakes (psychologically, the most
powerful way of learning). Does it hurt? Yes, very much so. How do I
personally cope? I usually rant to my family about how d&%^##!med
impossible people are. They're pretty good about weird old Mom and let me
get it out of my system. Then I work harder to change the culture.
You're OK!, Pat. You're a human, caring person, and in my book, terrific.
Judy Knopf in Beer Sheva, Israel
P.S. I've recently learned that moms delivering babies in my city now are
told that if baby's birthweight is 4 kilo or over, there is no way that
they will have enough food (BM) for them, so these babies are given abm
supplements from day of birth! ARGH. Any advice on how to cope with this?
Drives me nuts. Pat, this is the sort of thing that makes *me* want to
cry and have self-doubts, as in "what could I have said more or
differently to help this mom have more confidence in herself?".