In the process of putting together a panel on a presentation about
pumping/hand expression of breastmilk, I contacted the mother of a premie who had
used the hospital's electric pump whenver she was able and  hand
expressed her milk at home for 4 months.  The baby had finally been discharged from hospital.  Imagine my shock when the mother told me that the
baby had died two weeks earlier-of SIDS.
All I could do at first was murmur, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't
know..."
But as we spoke, and I toldher why I had contacted her, the mom said she
would like to be on the panel.
I would like her to be on the panel, too, but not obviously for shock
value or for curiosity seekers, or blamers or inquisitors. My original
intent in having her on the panel was twofold: to illustrate that
mothers can pump by hand if they want to, and also to show the need for
the powers to be to obtain breast pumps for those who can't afford to
rent one.
My questions are:
How can I make sure this mother doesn't get hurt doing the panel? How can
I shield her from too many questions about what happened? Is is OK for
her to talk about this in front of lots of strangers? We've had meetings
that turned quite emotional, and no one seemed worse for it. We had a
training on domestic violence and EVERYONE cried watching the videotaped
support group meetings.  We had a task force  presentation on
breastfeeding twins, the presenter was the mother of breastfed twins,
and THAT got emotional.
Should I go over all these issues with the mother way before hand, make
sure she is truly comfortable with appearing on the panel? I was so
proud of this woman, she went through so much with the baby, with a
dreadful outcome.
I would appreciate your help with this. The meeting is scheduled for the
middle of December. Is it selfish of me to still want her to do this???
Thanks.
Pearl Shifer, IBCLC