Dependence...Independence...Interdependence.

Our "standard" parenting practices-- feeding another species's milk,
separate sleep, early weaning, always pushing away--  don't promote true
independence.  These just say, "You can't depend on us."  Then we have
dependency on comfort objects, or peer approval, or materialism, or
unhealthy relationships, or drugs.

True independence is iniated by the child when she feels safe with those
whom she could depend on and is now ready, in her OWN time, to separate in
her own unique way.  It will be different for each child.

My second daughter, Alison, had her own style of launching out. She had
separation anxiety when I left, but SHE could go easily.  In kindergarten
she "mothered" the kids who were scared to be in that setting all morning.
In elementary school age she loved parties, but not sleep-overs.  She would
accept the invitation and ask her friend, "Is it alright if I don't sleep
over?"  "Sure."  It was a very long time before she wanted to sleep away
from home.  But she did eaagerly go to college, and overseas to study for a
semester. She iniated her independence in her own way, in her own time.

Both of my daughters (28 and 26, both b'fed) are, IMO, appropriately
independent.  Teachers and other adult figures in their growing up years
commented often on their self confidence, integrity, strength of conviction,
inner motivation, and self caring in the face of peer pressure.

And I believe that the "long-term effects" of breastfeeding aren't what the
breast milk did To them or even "at the breast" did TO them. There is a lot
that goes on from mother to baby, from baby to mother, day in and day out,
subtle and profound, that makes for humans who feels connected for life and
who then go on to form other healthy connections.

It scares me when we are expected to PROVE that breastfeeding will produce
this or that socially accepted behavior in order to validate the benefit of
b'feeding.  I assume Atilla the Hun was breastfed. It is not the job of our
children to PROVE that we did it "right."

But maybe we do have to do this stuff because the opposition is so strong.
I am grateful to the researchers whom I can cite in making a case for
b'feeding. I am so confident that breastfeeding helps to grow healthy humans
that I don't have a researcher's objectivity.  If it were up to me we
wouldn't even know that breast milk has lactoferrins or IgA and that it
matters.

Hey, maybe someone will study the long-term effects of breastfeeding on the
MOTHER!  I can think of about 1000 subjects they could study.

Pat Gima,IBCLC
Milwaukee