Elizabeth ,
Re your baby with the retracting tongue: my gut feeling after reading your
post was that this baby may have a minor birth injury (bruise, or overriding
sutures, something) that makes him not want to open wide. The 90 degree angle
of mouth is not open much, I like to see the angle very wide.  Seems he may
need to relax more so that he will open wide and bring tongue forward.  What
about bf in tub of warm water, very relaxing. Or even giving baby
acetaminaphen or ibuprofen to see if helps.  Also positioning where mom lies
on her back, slightly propped up, and baby is laid down on top of her so
tongue will come down more.  Just a thought.  Obviously, mom has very damaged
nipples and so something is going on.
The fact that he can milk the breast, gain wt, gulp, and be content post feed
are great and I would not think indicate a neuro problem.  I swear lots of
times tincture of time works for these kinds.

Hope you find some of this useful,
Laurie Wheeler, rnc, mn, ibclc
louisiana