Hi all:

I don't have Jay's personal experience (and thanks to her for sharing what
must have been difficult to post), but as a therapist I've certainly worked
with women who had a variety of responses to many forms of sexual abuse.  So
to add to Jay's post & try to specifically answer Judy.....

When a little girl is growing up physically, she is at the same time
"growing" her attitudes about sexuality and who she will be as a woman.
 Ideally, she has adults to love her & provide models and reference points
and to validate her budding femininity.  When abuse occurs, this process is
short-circuited.  Those would-be positive attitudes are, to put it crassly,
vomited all over.  In addition, larger issues such as trust are also
violated.  One woman said, "One man's evil became translated into an
assumption on my part of evil intent from everyone I met or knew.  The
abuser's evil spread a curtain of death over my life that colored everything
and everyone I saw."  Touch--that wonderful human connection that heals and
feeds our souls--now becomes something that is filled with fear, dread, and
pain. Love & attention are doled out on the condition of sexual concessions
by a child to immature to give consent.  Some survivors react by avoiding
intimacies (i.e. brfeeding) and others by engaging in a frantic,
inappropriate self-destructive search for intimacies that only re-victimize
them.

As you may have read recently, I view brfeeding as a very sexual act, partly
because of these very issues.  A woman who feels badly about her sexuality
will possibly experience this as not wanting anyone to touch her sexual
parts, even if that someone is a baby.  I remember reading years ago about
studies demonstrating the fact that women who choose breastfeeding are more
likely to be comfortable with their sexuality in general. Further, and maybe
more to the point, the issues of trust in this intensely *emotionally*
intimate experience may be overwhelming to her.

I don't know if that is a sufficient "walk-through".  This is a complex and
involved topic, about which many books have already been written.  The only
other point I need to make is that there *is* healing for those who have been
hurt in this way.  I believe firmly that we--LCs--can be a vital link in the
healing chain by offering our compassion and unconditional caring to these
clients.  Sometimes we can be vital to her healing by referring her to those
professionals who can provide deeper help than we are able.

Whether this is as frequent in cultures where a woman's modesty is protected,
maybe K. Dettwyler could speak to.  However, I doubt that modesty is the
issue nearly as much as other factors.  A large percentage of abuse happens
here in the presence of alcohol or other drug abuse.  The US has a multitude
of other social problems, which I believe contribute, but that's another
post.

I hope my ramblings included something helpful to your understanding.

Nancy