There was recently a latter in our newspaper complaining about a woman who
brought a baby to a performance of *West Side Story* in our main concert
hall.  It cried for "about 5 minutes" in the first act, and the writer was
upset, claiming that this spoilt the night for her, because all through the
tense second half, she was worried that the baby would cry and wreck the
mood.  The baby did not, however.

This letter was followed by others complaining about the writer's attitude,
and pointing out that coughing was more disruptive during the flu season,
but nobody suggested that those with respiratory infections should not
attend theatres etc, plus the rights of mothers.

It was therefore wonderful to go to a performance in the same venue the next
week, by Scottish comedian Billy Connolly.  A aby cried during his
monologue; he immediately whipped up his shirt and said *I'd love to help
out but mines all f-----d up*. He was shoing us his pierced nipples.  (I
should point out to those not familiar with this great observer of the human
condition, that f--- is his favourite word.)

Everyone laughed, and the baby, presumably breastfed, was quiet within seconds.

Lesley McBurney, in Brisbane, Australaia, a city which Billy Connolly once
vowed, on record, that he would never visit again - we convinced him to
change his mind!