Using the term weaning to mean complete cessation of breastfeeding, please
consider the following thoughts (if they seem disjointed, I am in the midst
of garage sale preparation and running in and out with junk, opening garage
for friends, tracking in leaves, etc)

To no longer breastfeed one's (last) baby forces one to come to terms with
what may, for many of us, be the first serious loss we have experienced.
Thus, to set aside what has been so meaningful and is so inextricably
linked with our child's most vulnerable period (infancy and the beauty
therein) is a grievous expeirence.  It literally forces us to grieve what
we know we can no longer enjoy, even as that beautiful baby continues to
grow and develop into a beautiful child and, Later, adult.

I have had to do this only once. Those of you who have done it more than
once must be stronger women than I, for--although our time together ended
very quietly and when we were both ready--I still grieved what we had both
grown past.

To be asked to help a mother wean her baby, whom we do not even know, when
we are in the  midst of coming to terms with something we value so highly,
requires that we--for the period of time we are helping that mother--ignore
our own anticipated grief.  We are not always able to set those intense
feelings aside; they sneak up on us and force recognition when we are least
able/ready to do so.

What you, Kathleen Bruce, did was human.  You may regret it, and you
certainly did apologize for it.  Now, as difficult as it is to try not to
second-guess yourself, you have to set it aside in order to deal with what
you are also experiencing with your precious Sally.  The mother you spoke
with was in a vulnerable place when she called. You were in a vulnerably
place when you spoke with her.  It is unfortunate that each of you was so
sensitive (in different ways) to the other's comments.  Think of all the
other people you have helped. Move on.  ANd, most important, let Sally be
herself even as the two of you move forward together toward a time when she
not only will not be breastfeeding, but may actually be going to school
away from home or movoing into her own appartment.

Sometimes, it helps to place the breastfeeding experience in a long-term
perspective.  Even when it lasts several years, it lasts but a small period
in the total time that child is home with her/his parents.  Each step that
child takes requires both the loving assistance and loving stepping back of
her/his parents.

Such a reduction in the special symbiosis that a mother and baby expreience
with breastfeeding can be scary for both.  How many times I recall
wondering how I could possibly comfort Doug if he were not breastfeeding.
But, you know, when it happened, I had learned other ways.  Some he taught
me; others I picked up from friends more experienced as parents than I, and
still others just sort of came to me as I muddled through parenthood.

Love yourself; love your child, and know that you help far more people than
you do not.





Def. of LC service: "We are all faced with a series of great opportunities
brilliantly disguised as impossible situations."
Kathleen G. Auerbach,PhD, IBCLC (Homewood, IL)- [log in to unmask]