Dear Judy,
Your letter's are always informative and interesting to me!  I find it
amazing (tho I prob'ly shouldn't) that there are those who actually can
relate to what I've gone through.
My experience with my first son almost 10 years ago was very different.  BF
went really well, after some slight cracking and bleeding that healed well
despite the fact that continued to nurse through the pain!  Christopher (my
1st born) figured out how to correct the problem all on his own!  Smart kid!
 (Still is!)  However, I suffered from PP Psychosis.  Talk about scary!  I'd
look down at this beautiful baby with these huge brown eyes and see the
epitome of evil.  Still gives me the shudders!  I was so afraid he'd be taken
away from me, that I never told anyone.  I suffered with this for more than a
year before it finally subsided to just severe chemical depression ( which I
didn't get help for until 2 years later).   Thank God I didn't do anything to
hurt Chris!  I always was able to control the freaky emotions, though how I
did it is beyond me.   Chris and I have a great relationship and he's a great
kid.  When Ben was born, I was afraid I might suffer the PP psychosis again,
but this time I was too busy being in physical pain, and being overwhelmed
with illness, pumps and healing to worry about it!  Small favors, maybe?
 Anyway, when people tell me that "Depression is all in your head.  You have
to think yourself happy."  and cr-- like that, ooohh do I get mad!  Even
people who knew me when I was having probs with mental illness told me that I
could be 'Happy' if I wanted to be.  I think it's sad that people are so
uninformed.  The thing that I think helped me not hurt Chris was that I was
BF him.  It created a much stronger bond than a bottle ever could have done.
 Unfortunately, I had a really intimidating boyfriend who was jealous of the
attention I gave Chris and he pressured me into weaning earlier than I really
wanted.  Jerk.  Thank God he wasn't Chris's real father!  :)  (Chris was a
most agreeable oops!)  Chris has been the best 'oops' that ever happened to
me!
I agree with you that some womens self image is very dependent on BF and
having a "normal" birth.  I think it's kind of sad, and tragic when a baby is
lost because of this.  My personal opinion is have the birth you want as long
as baby is not in danger.  BF if you want as long as baby is not going to be
starved due to lack of milk production for some medical or other reason.  The
most important thing to me is that the baby is healthy and fed and loved.
 Give the mom who wants to BF badly, but can't as much support as you can,
and that's the best you can do.  I personally would not have been
disappointed if I could never have put Ben to breast again.  I had such a
good milk supply that I would have 'pumped and harvested' my milk for him.
 (Cheaper that way, too)  But, I would have been personally disappointed in
myself if I hadn't tried to get him back to breast.  And, knowing me, I would
have never forgiven myself if I had quit altogether and put him on formula.
 Other women, obviously, are not as anal as I am, and I have on more than one
occasion given a mom "permission" (like it was really mine to give) to quit
because it was best for her and baby.  I think we all need to be open to a
moms needs, and if the best thing for her and baby is to quit, empower her to
make that choice and be comfortable with it, and not let anyone make her feel
like less of a mother for doing so.  Off my box...

Totally off the subject here,  My 10 1/2 mo. old has started playing pretend!
 He puts a toy phone to his ear, just like a real one, and talks to it!  He
has a real little baby conversation!  It's adorable to watch, but isn't he a
little young for pretend?  My education in child development says so, but  I
was wondering if anyone else had seen this or had kids who do/did this.
 Would appreciate some other stories...

Thanks all!
Thanks Judy!  You and I seem to have like minds in a lot of areas.  Chris
also got a smart swat on the bottom and a tongue lashing when he ran out into
the street, (it only took a couple of those to prevent him from doing it
again!) and Ben will recieve the same.  I personally don't believe in hitting
kid's or spanking (politically correct?) as discipline, but sometimes you
have to make a real POINT about something to make it register.  "Danger
honey" in a sweet voice just doesn't cut it, as far as I'm concerned.  When I
say "Danger!", my kids hear it!  A lot of love fills this house, but so does
a lot of respect for what Mom says!
  See ya!
Jay
Janet
The LC in training, with many life experiences!