I read the previous postings on this subject with a lot of
interest, impressed as always with everyone's ability to dissect
and analyze problems through various prospectives. I would humbly
like to add yet another.
I think it may be significant that this was a primipara.
Sometimes we seasoned professionals forget what a shock that
first baby is. Not only is it hair-raisingly frightening to be
totally responsible for a human life, but this new human life,
even if it was desperately wanted, is a complete disruption of
mom's previous lifestyle. I think of it in terms of resentment
of the baby, yes, even if the baby is wanted. I myself would stay
away from telling the mother that these feelings are "not normal"
or "uncommon", since I believe similar feelings are a lot more
common than we know, simply because the mother feels that she is
crazy to feel this resentment of her wanted baby "tying her down"
and would never confess it. In my Hebrew breastfeeding manual,
in fact, I talk about resentment, change of lifestyle, and
resolving feelings and try to get some pressure off these poor
primips. Some of them are so terrified that I want to take the
mom in my arms, not the baby.
I will never forget a recurrent dream after my first baby. I
detest football games, always did, but in my dream, I am walking
through deep snow with my baby in my arms, going to a football
game. I don't want to take her to the game, so I put her under
a bush, in the snow. I go to the game. I go to look for the baby
after the game and can't find her. I then woke up crying and in
a copious sweat. How did I stop having the dream? I just
confronted myself with it, asked myself why I was having this
utterly stupid dream. I admitted to myself that my wonderful,
beautiful baby was exhausting me with "requesting" to nurse
(actually, it was more like a bellow) every hour and a half, and
that her bilateral clubfoot scared me to death that she would be
a cripple. From the moment I admitted this, I never had the dream
again. Nothing similar happened when my other two kids were born.
Now, I am not saying that in Robin's mother's case it is NOT
possible sexual abuse, prolactin level, pp depression, other. I
just kinda wonder because of my own remembered feelings. I would
go slow in scaring a primip with the need to consult a mental
health professional. There may be no pathology here at all, just
a lot of hormones to calm down and a new lifestyle to adjust to.
(please stand in line and take a number to jump on me) Judy Knopf