Heather writes:
indeed it invites speculation on the way some women may reframe the debate
in order to retain their self regard (important to us all) . they sound
desperate and heart broken.
~~~
I love this wording: "desperate and heartbroken." I have never know what it
feels like to have my body, my family, my society, my life, not support my
babies' abilities to have wonderful breastfeeding relationships with me.
I'm not saying I didn't struggle, especially with my first child, but that
none of that ended in making a choice I never intended to make. For those
mothers who never wanted to allow their babies to breastfeed at all ( the
moms on the blog who say they "fully intended to, and formula feed by
choice",) I fully admit I don't understand it very well. But then I don't
understand why my epileptic, diabetic friend continues to make health choices that
are dangerous for her. I do know all these decisions are complicated and
multi-factorial. I also know that a lot of times, I feel "desperate and
heartbroken" by the stress of doing my best to help families establish
breastfeeding and mothering relationships to whatever extent they want or they can.
Sometimes I wonder if my own outlook or biases find connections, and
possibilities and outcomes that seem indefensible to others. I think there are
two major things missing from the blog, the understanding that it is not just
contaminated water that makes safer artificial feeding a challenge, but
the powdered formula itself. In their defense, their own pediatricians make
no issue of this at all, sending very premature babies home with no
information for mom about the issue mattering at all. The other thing I notice is
the overriding suspicion that breastfeeding "advocates" have a need to
promote breastfeeding to justify our own choices, therefore anything said is
suspect. The terms "lactation consultant" or "breastfeeding specialist" just
feed into this. I sometimes prefer to think of myself as in infant feeding
and behavior specialist, just knowing what normal is and how to help
families get there. ( This is when I am not feeling "heartbroken" about my role in
this whole web of issues....)
Thanks for this discussion, and to those who make a stand for families
every day.
Peace,
Judy
Judy LeVan Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL
Brooklyn, NY, USA
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