Just this past weekend I received a phone call as LLL from 
a mother who said:  "How do I dry up my milk ?" My heart broke.  

In my early days a LLLeader I would have rattled
off a thousand reasons and to why she shouldn't; how she
was decreasing her babies ability to fight colds/illnesses; and " You don't
have to abandon breastfeeding--there has to be a way to make this work
for you and your baby !"

More recently, during these phone conversation, the first words 
out of my mouth is the information they need to carefully 
dry up their supply in an attempt to prevent plugged ducts,
mastitis, and excruciating pain, etc.; make sure they understand the info.
I've given them and then discuss the finer points that pertain to
their specific situation (how old the baby is, etc.).  Then gently, 
LLLovingly, ask them why it is that they feel the need to stop
breastfeeding their baby.  

I've only had this type of call less than five times over the past couple
of years,  and eventually it has always given her courage and comfort for her to
tell me why.  There are almost always tears, regret, and guilt over her decision.
I comfort her and praise her for the amount of time she did provide milk
her little one; and slowly, gingerly, I might explain to her how completely weaning
her baby may not be necessary; or we might brain storm as to how she can pump
in her car between sales calls.  But in the end, I always say I am only providing
information and "you need to do what works best for you and your baby."

I can't say I end these calls with strong sense she will find a way to
make breastfeeding work for her; I'd have to say I actually find the
oposite to be true--she's going to follow the information I given her
as to how to dry her supply.  But one thing I can say for certain,
for a brief moment of time, she had the ear and heart of a person who
felt her pain, soothe her wounded maternal pride and gave her a safe
place to look at herself as a mother who won't always make
the best choices when it comes to her child.

I hope all mothers who make this decision in health care for their child
find a safe place in their decision making.

Kathy Koncelik, CPD
Breastfeeding Support Counselor(LLLI)
	-------------------------------------
Treasurer
Co-Founder
Long Island Doula Assoc., Inc.
A 501.c.3 Not-For-Profit Charitable Corporation
	






On Mar 16, 2012, at 10:45 AM, heather wrote:

>> Just acknowledging that it WAS a loss and it's okay to be sad is incredibly
>> helpful.  It feels like a huge wound to them, and it's usually invisible to
>> everyone else.
>> 
>> I've thought for a long time now that the huge lack of support from nurses
>> in our local hospital has to do with their own unacknowledged feelings of
>> loss around breastfeeding - they may not consciously be trying to undermine
>> breastfeeding for others, but given the end result, whether they are aware
>> or not doesn't make much difference to young moms.
> 
> 
> I am certain this is the case.
> 
> I think it's their own experienc of loss, and their own experience of observing other women experiencing sad events around breastfeeding, that needs some acknowledgement.
> 
> When that baggage is shed, better learning takes place.
> 
> A couple of weeks ago, I had a small group of 7 different HCPs for two days, and the first day, I told them I'd be asking them to share their own memories of breastfeeding the next day, and they could contribute if they wished.
> 
> 6 out of the 7 did, but some of them only opened up after a couple of them had done so.
> 
> We had tears and sadness and laughter - one of the tearful experiences went back 25 years and it was a lovely one (her own mother, now dead, had helped her bf and this was a heartfelt memory for her), the other tearful experience was a doctor who had really poor support 12 years ago, and who still felt sad she had not breastfed for longer.
> 
> It was a wonderful group share, but you can't do this with every group or in every situation - it needs to be safe. I have had several other experiences where HCPs spontaneously shared their own experience and have clearly had painful memories, and a  lecture hall or seminar room with 30 other people is not the best place to weep :(
> 
> This is why I would argue for debriefing to take place in small, safe groups, somehow.
> 
> Quite apart from the beneficial effects of it on the indivdual, it becomes a clear demonstration that happy breastfeeding *matters* - if people are still mourning a loss 5,10, 15, 20 or more years on (and they are), then what more evidence do you need???
> 
> It's no surprise that all the volunteer support organisations place great emphasis on personal experience sharing.
> 
> Heather Welford Neil
> NCT bfc, tutor, UK
> 
> -- 
> 
>            ***********************************************
> 
> Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
> To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
> Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
> COMMANDS:
> 1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
> 2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
> 3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
> 4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome


             ***********************************************

Archives: http://community.lsoft.com/archives/LACTNET.html
To reach list owners: [log in to unmask]
Mail all list management commands to: [log in to unmask]
COMMANDS:
1. To temporarily stop your subscription write in the body of an email: set lactnet nomail
2. To start it again: set lactnet mail
3. To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
4. To get a comprehensive list of rules and directions: get lactnet welcome