I can really relate to this Pam. 

It can be a fine line we tread with our daughters.. in our case, this daughter was the most attached to me, struggled the hardest to separate (those were tough years!) and is the most like me now.. so we can really aggravate each other as well as being very close.  She is not the type of person to seek help from another professional (she had a terrible series of experiences with her 1st child) and yet resists much of what I say, if it is presented as my "knowing it all".... and sometimes I have to just let it go and know that she loves her children as much as I love mine.. and be supportive when she does call for help with information at my finger tips...and usually I see something a bit before she does so I am prepared.

Our first grandchild (2nd Daughter's son) really struggled with breastfeeding and I was not up to date, having left LLL for a stint in EMS, or prepared when he started to run into trouble. I was relentless once she asked me for help, I admit, and I knew that if I didn't advocate for our grandson, who did end up being supplemented and has asthma and allergies, my daughter would probably never forgive me. That being said, it did strain our relationship though now she tells everyone that I was really pushy and she is grateful and probably would not have nursed him for almost two years if I had given up on them (that makes me teary). This experience also spurred me on to my decision to leave EMS, return to LLL and work toward becoming an IBCLC.

With their 2nd baby, born at home, s2s right away, latched within an hour, etc.. there were signs of problems (pooping every other day at 2 weeks, wanting to nurse all the time, etc.. and bum and legs a foot away from mom's body.. you get the picture and I was getting a bit freaked out after the first experience)..but if I even looked at them nursing my daughter would say "she's doing fine, leave us alone"... so I developed the habit of imparting choice pieces of info by slipping them into seemingly innocuous conversation... "Isn't it amazing how much newborns poop... 3-5 OK sign sized poops every day at least... see it says it here in this new WAB- I love this new edition of the WAB... where do they get that much poop from?!"  That worked like a charm and then they asked for help with positioning... another one was "Hey honey... I'm trying to help this mom who is having trouble pumping... would you be willing to pump while doing breast compressions and then hand express for a few minutes after and let me know if that increases the amount you can pump so I can tell her I've seen it work or not?" (that's when she found her milk supply decreasing but didn't want to hear my suggestions)... or "I found this ___ blend of herbs for increasing milk and you mentioned that baby is nursing all the time and you think you're having trouble with supply - would you be willing to try these for a few days and tell me if they work so I know?"  So far this technique works for her... I can say almost anything as long as I don't come across like I'm giving her advice..

I have learned so much from my relationship with my daughter as mother of our grandchildren. It has made me a better LLL, and hopefully a better LC. I am more able to "read" the mothers I help and am more sensitive to their "information overload" level and has given me a greater insight to this new generation of mothers. But it has taken walking through a unique fire for me to feel good about it now. I spent many a sleepless night. I called my former co-Leaders and cried buckets at the thought of our grandson not being able to breastfeed or being hospitalized when he was losing weight. I felt tremendous guilt about not knowing more about how to help a mother with long nipples and her baby with a small mouth and 

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