Dear Nikki,

On reading your long post about your home visit with a non-English-speaking
Korean mother, I believe you showed great cultural sensitivity (perhaps more
than was needed) and did everything right as regards the consultation.
However, I believe the issue wasn't from Korean culture but from what the
mother had learnt from Western culture - particularly the teaching of a
particular position and "hold" as the one correct way. This has been
prevalent here in Australia since the late-1980s.
I have no idea what position is taught to new mothers and pregnant women in
Korea - but this isn't relevant to this mother as she has been living in
America and had her hospital care in the US.
Her standing and turning her back is very strong body language about
dismissal in her culture. In fact, it was rude as it isn't what I've ever
seen done to people perceived as equals - but of course there was no common
language.
Please accept that you don't "own" the problem. You did your best. The
problem is hers. The mother is very set on her ideas and perhaps she even
wants to fail so that she can say that she "tried" and even the best advice
"didn't help" - so that she doesn't have to say that she isn't breastfeeding
because she simply doesn't want to.
We get this in any culture. Years ago I had a mother from a European
background for a consultation and I helped address the very minor issue for
her and her baby. At the door, she told me she wasn't going to breastfeed
and that the consultation was her Australian husband's idea. Having gone
through the motions of a consultation, she could then say she "had tried".
I've very occasionally seen the same in Australian mothers who don't want to
breastfeed but don't have the courage to say they dislike it, and so find
some way say the advice "failed".
Nikki, I hope that posting on Lactnet will help you place the experience in
context and receive some positive strokes from the caring Lactnet community.
Virginia

Dr Virginia Thorley, OAM, PhD, IBCLC, FILCA 
Brisbane, Qld, Australia 
E: [log in to unmask] 

On Sat, 23 Jul 2011 Nikki Lee wrote (as part of a long post) 
I am not sure what I want from you all; maybe just listening while I
describe what happened will be enough, although suggestions are welcomed.
....Does anyone have any ideas for how this could have gone better?

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