I received a number of requests for permission to use my post to
Lactnet on
Ways to Bond with Your Baby
Love, cherish, support and nourish your baby’s mother.
Hold your baby skin to skin. Babies love to lie on their fathers’
chests, feel their deep, rumbling voices, savor their warm, furry skin.
Carry your baby around with you when you can. A baby only
transported in a stroller is at knee level and moves only front and
back. A baby in arms, or in a sling or baby carrier, moves front
and back, side to side, and up and down (all good for vestibular and
brain development), and is up at a level to see faces, read
expressions, and be part of conversations.
Talk to your baby. At birth your baby already recognizes your voice
as familiar. Tell your baby about the world. Tell about your day.
You are your baby’s first teacher and guide.
Sing to your baby. Babies love their fathers’ deep voices. Teach
your baby all your favorite songs and lullabies.
Rock your baby. Babies love gentle swinging and motion.
Make diaper changes a game and a chance to have a face to face
conversation.
Take a bath or shower with your baby. Babies love to share the
warmth, soothing and fun of water with you.
A father is the first person to teach his baby that love doesn’t have
to come with food.
Who wrote this? I did. Based on years of experience as a LLL
leader, a pediatric nurse, and a participant on panels, including one
writing a pamphlet on "Building Better Baby Brain Development," (on
which I struggled mightily to get the other task force members to
include breastfeeding as an important step).
I actually sent this to one of my sons this week as a Father's Day
card. He and his wife are expecting their first baby in December.
My daughter-in-law, (not breastfed herself), had told me a while ago
that she will try to breastfeed for 3 months, but then wants to stop
in order to take certain medications and return to work. She doesn't
see sharing a bed with a baby (but would be willing to have a baby
next to their bed) and feels a bottle given by father would enhance
bonding from the start. When I think about the ideas I had before
becoming a first-time mother, I realize that we all learn through our
personal experience, and sometimes it is better to let people come to
their ways of parenting on their own. If she can have a great
breastfeeding experience for her goal of 3 months, who knows. I hope
maybe then she will want to continue. (My son and his twin brother
nursed for almost 4 years.) I am ready to help and support in any
way they want. But this is THEIR baby, not mine. They live in a
different state, and I did send them their local La Leche League
contacts. I'll get them the new "Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" when
it comes out, and she has asked me for a Mobi wrap.
Fleur's point is well taken. I did not mean to suggest that a baby
shouldn't nurse for security and comfort all they want.
> Anne, what you have written is beautiful, however I will admit that
> the last line doesn't sit well with me:
> "A father is the first person to teach his baby that love doesn’t
> have to come with food".
> Perhaps it is because it is very common where I live to hear "Don't
> let your baby nurse for comfort (use you as a pacifier etc) or
> he'll be overweight as an adult because he'll learn to associate
> food with comfort."
> I think it's very important for moms (and dads, other support
> people etc) to understand that babies go to the breast for many
> reasons, not just for food, and they are all valid reasons. Babies
> don't think "I need love and comfort, I need to eat", they think
> (or perhaps more accurately feel) "I need comfort, I need mom.
> Babies don't differentiate between mom and her breastmilk, it is
> all just part of the wonderful loving package that is mom.
>
> Warmly,
> Fleur Bickford BSc., RN, IBCLC, LLLL
> Ontario, Canada
Debbie, JoAnne Scott may well have said something like this, although
I did not know that. I must credit a fellow La Leche League leader,
Ann Kehl, for suggesting this to me many years ago. I also learned
much from JoAnne Scott when she was a lecturer in the week-long
lactation course I took at Georgetown University back in 1994. And
also in subsequent years at ILCA conferences, both in her
presentations and in informal talking.
I am happy for anyone who wants to use my "Ways to Bond with Your
Baby" or to adapt it for their own uses. I would appreciate being
given credit. It really comes from my heart.
Joan in NZ, my reply to your personal email bounced back as
undeliverable.
Anne Altshuler, RN, MS, IBCLC and LLL Leader
Madison, WI, USA
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