http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=10484&page=1
Lisa drew our attention to the above article - thanks, Lisa, it's
worth reading, as are the comments written in response to it.
It reminds us that the whole terrain of infant feeding in many
western countries is one fraught with opportunities for women to
transgress.
Firstly, they are told they 'must' breastfeed for the sake of being a
'good' mother - but are then denied support, information and comfort
to do it effectively, freely and without suffering economic
consequences.
Secondly when they formula feed (because of this lack) they feel
criticised and victimised, like a 'bad mother' and often unconfident
about how to prepare formula and whether it makes a difference which
brand you use.
Thirdly, if they do breastfeed beyond the first weeks/months, they
transgress again if the baby is 'too old' or 'too big' to be
breastfed - they may be told they are being self-indulgent or
deliberately holding the baby back from developing normally.
The very common reaction of women who end up formula feeding after a
period of bf is to be angry, defensive, and even abusive to
breastfeeding advocates, and of course in denial that there is any
significant difference to their baby - they feel angry that they ever
thought this way, and angry with people who continue to advocate for
breastfeeding.
It was also interesting to see again the notion that women who do not
bf may be undergoing a hormonal/psychodynamic experience of grief. I
think this could be a rich area of study.
Are there any grief counsellors on Lactnet? Do they see parallels?
The vicious, heart-breaking anger I hear in some women who have
struggled with bf and who now formula feed makes me think of the
anger stage of grieving. Grief-anger often seeks someone/something to
blame for life's apparetly random tragedies - why did
God/Nature/Misfortune/the government *allow* this terrible thing to
happen to me/my loved one?
In the case of bf going wrong, the culture minimises the tragedy
('formula is just as good') and there is no acceptable discourse to
explore, understand and move on....nowhere for the anger to go.
So - step up the breastfeeding advocate who tells lies about how
great it is to bf, and who makes mothers think it matters - it's
*your* *fault* I feel so bad....
Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc, tutor, UK
--
http://www.heatherwelford.co.uk
http://heatherwelford.posterous.com
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