I'd try switching the focus from the mother, to the baby. Talk to Dad
about helping baby find it's destination, the nipple, talk about how
much breastfeeding babies need lots of time and support, somehow. Talk
about how the baby might be feeling about being frustrated and still
having to struggle, how the wife must be holding that 'weight' on her,
as she feels it's her problem etc.
See if the Dad can open up his awareness of the struggle, not as his
wife's need to 'choose breastfeeding', but his wife's desire to let the
baby's hardwiring succeed, and allow the baby to flourish.
Ask the Dad if he's doing any skin to skin, ask the Dad if he has
spotted the baby's feeding cues, ask the Dad how he responds to baby's
requests when that occurs, try and make a connection between the baby's
emotional well being, and the need to seek the breast.
In terms of Dad's not on board during the pregnancy, I'd highlight his
role in supporting the baby to find its destination. Switch the
birthing talk from 'being born' to "allowing baby to get to the nipple"
and begin a process of letting Dad know, and take responsibility for,
supporting his baby in realising itself as a breastfeeding baby. Let
the Dad build up an image of the things he needs to be doing, to give
his newborn a chance at getting there: holding back the relatives,
monitoring his wife's stress, supporting his wife, giving him the power
to call in support for 'his baby' if breastfeeding support is failing
"the baby".
This co-incides with another thread, in another forum, where I wondered
how many dads sit back, and watch the car-wreck occur, as no one has
told them how powerful they can be, in being an advocate for their own
baby... maybe we need a leaflet! How To Be The Dad Of A Successful
Breastfeeding Baby. Other Dads, sharing their experiences of how much
work they had to do to bring support to their babies, may be really
helpful here. "Well yes, that's why I told the ped I was going to be
the father of a breastfeeding baby, and he needed to go find someone to
help us, not hand over a bottle of formula!!!"
Musing out loud...
Morgan Gallagher
Diane Wiessinger wrote:
> I have 2 clients right now who are struggling with rather longterm problems. One has a 3 month old(!), the other about a 6 week old, both are hoping (quite reasonably) for complete resolution. One of their biggest problem is dads who may be trying to be supportive, but who are expressing it with support that boils down to:
> Gosh, either quit being so upset about it and just do it, or stop! Why keep torturing yourself?
>
> How do others work with dads who are well-meaning but who provide the wrong kind of support - or, for that matter, with unsupportive dads?
>
> Diane Wiessinger, MS, IBCLC Ithaca, NY USA
> www.wiessinger.baka.com
>
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