----- Original Message -----
From: "Lynn" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, December 30, 2007 9:20 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] psychic powers
> What kills me is when they "get it" and they have to grieve all over
> again, and more deeply, and do the hard work of figuring out where the
> spiral started, where they might be culpable, and then having to forgive
> themselves. That is a hard row to hoe.
**That is true, Lynn, and yet I prefer this hard process to never ever
coming to some kind of insight and understanding. What I find tricky in
women who don't understand where their situation went wrong, is that they
pass their story on as a blow of fate or wrapped in fairy tales and wrong
information, thereby possibly causing a setback for new moms in their social
environment, who may think this can happen to them as well, not realizing
they may be misinformed or incompletely informed. I think it is hard, but
healing and cleansing to understand what went wrong and where. If mothers
pass thát story on to others, they can add hope and knowledge: "This is what
happened to me, but you can make better decisions and ask for help and then
have a beautiful bf experience." Not understanding what happened also can
keep mothers in a victim role, where it would instead be empowering to gain
strength from having an new chance with a new baby when you know what can be
altered.
And sometimes you really see it coming and then they say: "I had to wean",
where I know: "You didn't have to wean, you decided to wean." Having to wean
makes you a victim; deciding to wean makes you a responsible adult. Having
to wean is really rare, but funny enough the decision to wean is also rare,
because many women don't make that decision consciously, because they
*think* they *have* to wean.
I would really love to get more competent at helping mothers to become
consciously aware of the fact that they are making decisions instead of
being 'ordered' to wean or supplement or whatever, because I think this
feeling at the beginning of motherhood can have a longlasting impact on the
mother-child relationship, as I believe the strength of the mother reflects
on the child. Any thoughts and reflections on this, I would really
appreciate!
Warmly,
Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands (and eating too many 'knieperties' (say:
cneepertees), a local tradition New Year's cookie, baked by our 11-year old
daughter, causing a lovely smell in the house! ;-))
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