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----- Original Message -----
From: "Nikki Lee" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Wednesday, May 07, 2008 1:48 PM
Subject: [LACTNET] doulas and breastfeeding
> Dear Friends:
**Hi Nikki,
> It has been a shock to
> discover that my efforts have been treated disrespectfully. The poor
> mother is
> caught between two people that she has hired to help her.
**I do not *at all* doubt your competence with regard to breastfeeding. I'm
sure you are right on this one.
Then again... just the other day I spoke to my best friend about paradigm
change. Google with 'old and young woman' and find the picture I mean. I
showed him the picture and asked him what he saw. He saw and old woman and
even with my help, at first he could not manage to see the young one. He
did, after a while, and was surprised.
Applying that phenomenon to this situation, I was thinking of peds or
ob/gyns or childbed nurses, who say: "I clearly instructed the mother about
bf, but the bf volunteer/lc came by and blew my policy away. It was clear to
see, that this mother could not breastfeed/was too tired/had to
supplement/etc."
Will they also experience a shock...? Let me be clear: I'm in no way
critisizing you, Nikki; it just occurred to me how we can all end up in
situations where we draw conclusions based upon the wrong perception. I find
this a fascinating mechanism. Is the other person angry or just impressed?
Is s/he jealous or insecure? Is s/he reluctant to learn or afraid not to be
able to catch up? And so on and so forth.
It is not always easy to find the right way to approach the other person and
clear the matter, get back to seeing both sides of the medal or the positive
instead of the negative one. Sometimes that is simply because we ourselves
are impressed/insecure/afraid to lack knowledge. Cherishing a willing
attitude towards learning is probably the only way out...
Warmly,
Marianne Vanderveen, Netherlands
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