Gonneke writes: "I dare to disagree with some posters. My primary goal is
not to help mom achieve her goals, but to help the infant/child help achieve
her/his goals. I am a baby's advocate, not a woman's advocate. I write and speak
on behalf of the children, to obtain their rights and to have their meets
met."
When we don't advocate for mothers, when we dismiss their goals, needs,
feelings, pain we serve neither the mother nor the baby. If I felt that I was
not an advocate for women, I could not continue this work. Who am to presume
to understand the pressures, life history, financial, social or inner
resources of another women.
Thinking back to my own very uncomplicated breastfeeding experiences I often
wonder how I would have responded had I had inverted nipples, severe nipple
trauma, a baby who wouldn't or couldn't latch, low supply, over supply, a
colicky baby or one with reflux to mention a few of the issues we lactation
consultants deal with. What if my husband had not been the fully supportive
partner I needed, or we had been financially strapped? What if I had been a young,
single, uneducated mother with very little help? I meet mothers all the
time who overcome these barriers but quite honestly I'm not sure I could have.
When we take the time to understand where a mother is coming from often we can
help her overcome her difficulties but not always. Sometimes the best we can
do is support her in her decision so that she can move on to be the best
mother possible.
I'll never forget one mother I worked with. She was young, from another
country, and had a baby with laryngomalacia. With much effort she could have
breastfed the baby but she did not have the help or support or inner resources
to continue when things were so difficult. Like Kika's mother she sat in our
office and never looked at the baby. Finally, I said let's not worry about
breastfeeding right now--let's just snuggle your baby chest to chest with you.
As she did this I saw her relax. After a few minutes she told me that this was
the first time she ever felt like a mother, the first time since giving
birth she was able to relax and enjoy her baby. She did not go on to breastfeed
and she did not pump long term. But you know, I feel as good about my
intervention and support with this mother as any I've ever worked with. I saw her
embrace the role of motherhood in the lactation office. She was able to express
to me how much this meant to her. She returned for follow up visits and from
that day on she was bonded to her baby.
When we advocate for mothers, we do advocate for babies. Sometimes a mother
doesn't meet my goals. I need to suck that up. My job as an advocate is to
work for the best breastfeeding information and support to be available to
every mother and for the removal of societal barriers to breastfeeding.
Kathy Boggs, RN, IBCLC
Mountain View, CA
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