Esther, I couldn't agree more. One of the saddest things to hear, IMO, is a woman boasting that no one could even tell she was breastfeeding... as if it were something to be hidden away and ashamed of. A woman who is breastfeeding in public already has a fussy baby to attend to, and the last thing she needs to be worried about is offending some misguided soul who objects to seeing a baby being fed in the manner nature designed so perfectly. If I had my way, women would feel free to be as indiscreet as they need to be in order to get that baby fed! If that was the way things were done, no one bat an eye when they saw a breastfeeding baby because they would realize IT IS THE NORM.
As far as I'm concerned, all those nifty cloaks, capes and covers should be offered to anyone who is offended. They can put the ridiculous thing over their own heads until the baby has finished his or her meal. Hmph.
I'm pretty passionate about this topic... even have a page on my website about it. http://www.kjsl.com/~cee/public.htm if anyone is interested in being amused. ;-)
Cecilia Mitchell Miller, CD, CCE
Mother of two publicly breastfed children (durations: 18 months, 44 months)
Grandmother of two publicly breastfed children (durations: 22 months, 27 months)
Esther Friedman <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
I do not see the issue as one of socialization for mom and baby, nor do I
see the need for a baby to need to learn to eat under a blanket. If the use
of cover-ups allow a mom to feel comfortable and continue to breastfeed,
GREAT! I have NO problem with their use in that situation. The problem I
see when we talk about discretion is the deep cultural and emotional
implications that have been discussed so well on Lactnet in the past. We do
not ask a bottle feeding parent to go sit elsewhere when feeding their
child, or cover the child with a blanket or cape. We only do this with
breastfeeding, as a sign of some adults' discomfort with the most healthy
and appropriate method for feeding a baby or child, and we do so out of (in
my opinion) a deep distrust and discomfort with intimacy, dependency, and
the power of women's bodies. What would public reaction be if men were the
ones breastfeeding?? What would public reaction be if women were truly
respected, instead of being looked at as sexual objects? If mothering and
children were truly valued? If we were not afraid of a strong bond between
mother and child? What if the adults who felt uncomfortable actually owned
that as THEIR problem, and simply looked away? Why do we feel compelled to
never criticize a mother for bottle feeding, but free to criticize her for
publicly breastfeeding, breastfeeding too long, etc...??
The issue as I see it is two-fold: one, of a public figure (however
misinformed and rude) using breastfeeding to boost ratings and stir up a
fuss without really fully thinking about the implications of his behavior
and words for moms and babies, especially all the hesitant first time moms
who may actually take him seriously and NOT BF/ bottle feed in public / wean
early for fear of offending someone or being harassed, or all the
ill-informed listeners who may take his words as permission to do the
harassing... and this is done all too often, not only by speakers and
columnists but also by TV and other media.
Two, "discretion" implies that one is doing something that is not
acceptable in public. It carries, to a certain degree, an implication of
shamefulness. While that may not be the overt thought or intention of the
person discussing it, I believe (as another person has posted this summer; I
don't recall the name of the poster but I was very impressed by their ideas)
that when we as lactation professionals support the idea of "needing to be
discreet", we deny or dismiss the pervasive message that underlies it, which
is that BF is something vaguely unacceptable, somehow not quite right,
something to be hidden, and very much tied in to our discomfort with and
distrust of women's bodies. "Be discreet" all too often means "don't make
ME uncomfortable by doing something I either don't understand or disapprove
of".
My concern about "discretion" is that I don't think many women feel
that it IS totally their choice; I think many or most are fearful of
harassment and "choose" to cover up and worry about exposure out of that
fear, and out of accepting the cultural implications I discussed above. It
may very well be part of the current socialization process in our culture;
the question for me is do we accept the cultural status quo, or do we
challenge it and question the idea that breastfeeding needs to be a hidden
activity, and that the rights of an adult to not be bothered trumps the
right of a baby or child to eat and a mother to nurture?
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