Peggy,
I do not see the issue as one of socialization for mom and baby, nor do I
see the need for a baby to need to learn to eat under a blanket. If the use
of cover-ups allow a mom to feel comfortable and continue to breastfeed,
GREAT! I have NO problem with their use in that situation. The problem I
see when we talk about discretion is the deep cultural and emotional
implications that have been discussed so well on Lactnet in the past. We do
not ask a bottle feeding parent to go sit elsewhere when feeding their
child, or cover the child with a blanket or cape. We only do this with
breastfeeding, as a sign of some adults' discomfort with the most healthy
and appropriate method for feeding a baby or child, and we do so out of (in
my opinion) a deep distrust and discomfort with intimacy, dependency, and
the power of women's bodies. What would public reaction be if men were the
ones breastfeeding?? What would public reaction be if women were truly
respected, instead of being looked at as sexual objects? If mothering and
children were truly valued? If we were not afraid of a strong bond between
mother and child? What if the adults who felt uncomfortable actually owned
that as THEIR problem, and simply looked away? Why do we feel compelled to
never criticize a mother for bottle feeding, but free to criticize her for
publicly breastfeeding, breastfeeding too long, etc...??
The issue as I see it is two-fold: one, of a public figure (however
misinformed and rude) using breastfeeding to boost ratings and stir up a
fuss without really fully thinking about the implications of his behavior
and words for moms and babies, especially all the hesitant first time moms
who may actually take him seriously and NOT BF/ bottle feed in public / wean
early for fear of offending someone or being harassed, or all the
ill-informed listeners who may take his words as permission to do the
harassing... and this is done all too often, not only by speakers and
columnists but also by TV and other media.
Two, "discretion" implies that one is doing something that is not
acceptable in public. It carries, to a certain degree, an implication of
shamefulness. While that may not be the overt thought or intention of the
person discussing it, I believe (as another person has posted this summer; I
don't recall the name of the poster but I was very impressed by their ideas)
that when we as lactation professionals support the idea of "needing to be
discreet", we deny or dismiss the pervasive message that underlies it, which
is that BF is something vaguely unacceptable, somehow not quite right,
something to be hidden, and very much tied in to our discomfort with and
distrust of women's bodies. "Be discreet" all too often means "don't make
ME uncomfortable by doing something I either don't understand or disapprove
of".
My concern about "discretion" is that I don't think many women feel
that it IS totally their choice; I think many or most are fearful of
harassment and "choose" to cover up and worry about exposure out of that
fear, and out of accepting the cultural implications I discussed above. It
may very well be part of the current socialization process in our culture;
the question for me is do we accept the cultural status quo, or do we
challenge it and question the idea that breastfeeding needs to be a hidden
activity, and that the rights of an adult to not be bothered trumps the
right of a baby or child to eat and a mother to nurture?
Esther Friedman, IBCLC, RLC, LLLL, Mom of 2 breastfed kids
----- Original Message -----
From: "Peggy Ventura" <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Sunday, September 16, 2007 8:17 PM
Subject: Re: Infuriatingly ignorant Bill Maher- write to PETA
> My name is Peggy Ventura and I am also one of the nursing students from
> IVY Tech Community College in Indianapolis, Indiana.
>
> I must speak up on this topic. Discretion and decorum as public
> expectations are not out of line with breast feeding. Many nifty covers,
> shawls, and tops are available to allow the baby some privacy for feeding
> should it be needed in public. Babies will adjust to the use of them,
> believe me. My first son was exclusively breast fed for the first 9 full
> months of his life.He also continued to get most of his nutrition from the
> breast until he was 14 months old. I went to picnics, restaurants, parks,
> family gatherings, grocery stores, department stores, you name it, with
> him. At no time was it necessary that I be indiscreet and expose myself or
> my son to the stares of strangers. This is part of the socialization
> process.
>
> Peggy Ventura ITSN
>
>
>
>
> Mirine Dye <[log in to unmask]> wrote: Dear Lactnetters,
>
> I am very surprised at that rant whereas Bill Maher is a breastfeeding
> spokesperson for PETA.
> http://www.milksucks.com/baby.asp
>
> I feel as though his writers came up with that rant and anyone who
> regularly
> watches the show knows his writers are less than talented.
>
> I highly recommend writing to PETA and request he either apologize or be
> removed from the campaign. As a PETA member I can assure you they will
> hear
> from me and if they value my long-term membership I hope they will listen.
>
> 501 Front St., Norfolk, VA 23510
> 757-622-PETA (7382)
> 57-622-0457 (fax)
> [log in to unmask]
> [log in to unmask] is the media relations dept
> [log in to unmask] is the Ad/PSA manager
>
>
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> Mirine R. Dye, BS, CLE
> Serving the Florida Keys
> Florida Keys Healthy Start Coalition
> www.KeysHealthyStart.org
>
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