I'd like to clarify one point that I think wasn't very clear earlier
in this thread. There was a mention of Yahoogroups for women
exclusively pumping breastmilk. While it wasn't explicit, I felt the
underlying presumption was that such groups (and I'm only aware of
one, the one I run) go around encouraging exclusive pumping to the
exclusion of feeding at the breast. This couldn't be more off the mark.
The group I'm involved in is a support source embracing women whose
babies are completely unable to nurse at the time that they join the
group. Rarely is this due to low supply in my experience (such women,
with latching babies, are generally referred to groups like MOBI and
informed on supplementer tubes, IBCLCs and the various methods of
boosting supply).
More than half of our members have babies with diagnosed disabilities
- complete cleft palate, extreme prematurity, severe neurological
illness with exclusive tube feeding, and so on. The rest have
ostensibly healthy babies, are trying their absolute utmost to feed
at breast, usually with legions of assistance, and have come to the
realisation that, at this point in time, their baby just is not
latching and/or transferring milk. (Some of these babies do go on to
have later formal diagnoses of various disorders, some don't). These
are often women who have felt abandoned by their "face to face"
support systems once it became clear that their baby was not rapidly
catching on to feeding from the tap. I won't go into the details, but
the outpourings of grief and sadness from women in this situation
have to be seen to be believed, and I don't think there is one who
hasn't been told to her face, more than once, that she "just hasn't
tried hard enough" or "must not have really wanted to" if this
happened to her.
Within the support group, there it substantial support and
encouragement to continue to encourage babies to breast part-time,
full-time, or for comfort, after cleft surgery, when the preemie is
stable enough, and so on - and we have quite a few success stories in
this regard. Other success stories consist of members meeting their
pumping goals - be they six months, one year, two years or more (and
there are plenty who have met their goals greater than 12 months!).
Members are not judged and found wanting if their ongoing efforts to
transition their babies to the breast don't result in the
conventional definitions of success, and they're never told that "you
can't EP long term" and "your supply will inevitably dry up" and "why
would you bother doing that, you might as well formula feed" and "Are
you doing that AGAIN/STILL??". It's a sanctuary from both the
vituperative and the bemused reactions they face every day in the
face to face world.
Mothers need peer-to-peer support groups. They especially need the
support of their fellow mothers who have been through what they are
going through, and understand both the physical and the emotional
realities of their situation.
Lara Hopkins
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