I have testified both in court and in judges's chambers with families  who 
are trying to reach these types of issues. The best thing for the mother to  do 
is to write up an plan in which she shows that she is trying to reach an  
agreement that is best for the baby and will attempt to meet the  dad's and  
baby's need for each other. It doesn't have to include overnight visits at  first. 
If they are living in the same town, maybe the dad would like to pick up  the 
baby when he gets off work, have dinner, playtime, bathtime, change the baby  
into pajamas, and take him home for bedtime. Then have the baby for 
alternating  weekend days, holidays, etc and slowly work into longer periods and finally 
 overnight as the baby grows. The judge will appreciate the fact the mother 
is  flexible and will to meet dad's needs while ensuring the child's 
developmental  stage of independence is being acknowledged. Emphasize the fact that the 
baby  will be growing into overnight visits by the time he is 3-4 years old. 
Mom may  need to be willing to give up some holidays, so she can show how 
willing she is  to be flexible and include Dad in the baby's life.
Mom also needs to document ( through medical records, day care records,etc)  
how much dad has been involved in this baby's life. Has dad taken off work to 
go  to the ped, drop off and pick up baby from day care, changed dipers, 
bathed  baby, taken baby in stroller, sling, etc? Does dad know what brand diapers 
the  baby wears, what tupe wipe, what is his favortie bath soap, favorite 
foods,  books, toys ? Those types of fact will show whether this is truly a father 
 wanting to remain in his child's life or just a power play.
These types of issues are never the "best' for baby but one parent has to  be 
willing to be the mature, responsible one looking out for the best interest  
of the child. Mom can still breastfeed while she is with baby, and on weekend  
days, maybe she can drive to dad's house, sit in the car and nurse one time 
each  day. 
Her attorney also needs to ask the father's attorney to write a plan to  
ensure the development of the baby is acknowledged, and breastfeeding is  
protected until the baby is developmentally ready to be a bit more independent  of 
mom. Then compare the plans and work from there.
 

Barbara Whitehead, BS, IBCLC, RLC
eastern NC

             ***********************************************

To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]

The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html