Dear Friends:
I saw a day-2 mom of 2 in the hospital today. She has changed her mind
and bailed out. She is bottle feeding now.
"Nerves," she said, and "......20-month old" and, "if the doctor wants
to prescribe something for my nerves, it's better if I am not" and, (THE REAL
CLINCHER ):
"I know it's best for the baby.................and if the doctor had
told me when I asked if I was doing something not good, I would have stayed
with it............but he said okay when I told him I was changing to
bottle-feeding."
This is how our fear of guilt ("don't make mother feel guilty") cost
this baby some chances for a healthier life. "Oh, it doesn't matter if you
switch" we are encouraged to say, when a new mother, our sister, asks us directly
if she is making a poor choice."
I did the same thing; I didn't question her at all.
If she had said, "I am not buying a carseat" or "It's okay if I smoke
cigarettes as long as I don't blow the smoke on the baby" , you all can bet
that I would have reacted freely! Why should there be a difference?
I did show my disappointment, though.
I saw it as the one thing she CAN refuse, after having two babies 20
months apart with a planned return to employment in only 3 months and very
little help at home, once her husband goes back to work in 2 weeks.
What do you all think?
I still wish that the doctor and that I had been honest. "You know, I
think you are overwhelmed right now and making a decision based on that. It is
a big deal if you don't breastfeed, and I am professionally obligated to do
the right thing and tell you the truth. I assume you are an adult and will
balance the options for yourself after that. If you feel lousy about your
decision, and you are already ambivalent, that will be a motivator, not a
punishment." This said gently and firmly, the way we touch a baby.
warmly,
Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CCE
Maternal-Child Adjunct Faculty Union Institute and University
Film Reviews Editor, Journal of Human Lactation
www.breastfeedingalwaysbest.com
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