Dear Friends:
    I saw a day-2 mom of 2 in the hospital today. She  has changed her mind 
and bailed out. She is bottle feeding now.
    "Nerves," she said, and "......20-month old"  and, "if the doctor wants 
to prescribe something for my nerves, it's  better if I am not" and, (THE REAL 
CLINCHER ):
     "I know it's best for the  baby.................and if the doctor had 
told me  when I asked if I was  doing something not good, I would have stayed 
with it............but he said  okay when I told him I was changing to 
bottle-feeding."
    This is how our fear of guilt ("don't make  mother feel guilty") cost 
this baby some chances for a healthier life. "Oh, it  doesn't matter if you 
switch" we are encouraged to say, when a new mother, our  sister, asks us directly 
if she is making a poor choice."  
    I did the same thing; I didn't question her at all. 
    If she had said, "I am not buying a carseat" or  "It's okay if I smoke 
cigarettes as long as I don't blow the smoke on the baby"  , you all can bet 
that I would have reacted freely! Why should there be a  difference?
    I did show my disappointment, though. 
    I saw it as the one thing she CAN refuse, after  having two babies 20 
months apart with a planned return to employment in only 3  months and very 
little help at home, once her husband goes back to work in 2  weeks.
    What do you all think?
    I still wish that the doctor and that I had been  honest. "You know, I 
think you are overwhelmed right now and making a decision  based on that. It is 
a big deal if you don't breastfeed, and I am professionally  obligated to do 
the right thing and tell you the truth. I assume you are an  adult and will 
balance the options for yourself after that.  If you feel  lousy about your 
decision, and you are already ambivalent, that will be a  motivator, not a 
punishment."  This said gently and firmly, the way we  touch a baby.
    warmly,
 
Nikki Lee RN, MS, Mother of 2, IBCLC, CCE
Maternal-Child Adjunct  Faculty Union Institute and University
Film Reviews Editor, Journal of Human  Lactation
www.breastfeedingalwaysbest.com

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