Debbie wrote:
I guess that since the mom wasn't able to walk out of the room with a smile
on her face and a milk-drunk baby, I feel like I could do better, like I let
the mom
down. Not only that, I feel like it's my fault that she won't have a normal
breastfeeding relationship with this precious baby.
Is it inappropriate for me to think I can reveal unwelcome news, and still
not ever become the bad guy?
We are not the bad guys, although yes we are often the bringers or
confirmers of the 'bad' (difficult) truths. I feel like over the years I have had to
adjust myself to thinking that my role is not specifically to get every baby
breastfeeding easily and the mom smiling, it's to help a mother and baby have
the most normal, nurturing feeding relationship possible. under their
circumstances. It would be great if that always ended with exclusive breastfeeding
and comfortable, relaxed mom and baby. It just doesn't. As a physical
therapist, my role was to help many people walk again, but sometimes it was to
teach someone how to maneuver in their wheelchairs, to walk with crutches and
prosthetic limbs, it was always specific to each person. There are things we
cannot change, and PCOS is one of those things. Personally, I think the only
thing that is your 'fault' here is that you will now empower this mother with
the information she needs to use or try the best feeding and nurturing
strategies for and her baby in her situation. Being the bearer of bad news is a
tough role, believe me I know, but it is a gift to be able to be honest and
helpful when that news is bad. You may be the only person capable of giving her
the info she needs, acknowledging the grief that causes ( the situation, not
you, remember...:) and helping to support her through whatever nearness to
normalcy you can assist with. I could say a lot else, but won't. She is lucky to
have you, and someday may come back thanking you for your honesty, and even
if she doesn't somewhere inside her, it will be meaningful.
Peace in your heart,
Judy, on her third post!
Judy LeVan Fram, PT, IBCLC, LLLL, Brooklyn, NY, USA
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