>
>
>As Eleanor  Roosevelt said, and I paraphrase, one cannot be stepped on if
>one does not  lie down first.
>
I'm bursting in and quoting out of contexts, because I've seen and heard
so many statements like this. I don't agree at all. People can do
horrible things to people who were previously healthy, well-adjusted,
and assertive. Spouses are beaten and children are abused, even infants.
Children are told things that are totally unacceptable and delibitating
for no reason having to do with their attitude. I think it's a form of
victim-blaming when people assume that bad things only happen to those
who let them happen.

Eleanor Roosevelt made a lot of statements that are quotable and
inspiring. However, I watched a show about her and, given a lot of sad
things in her situation, I wonder how much self-talk she had to use
herself to convince herself she could and survive through everything. If
she were my child, however, or even my mother, I would want her to do
more than survive. Acknowledging that the other person is wrong is often
far more valuable than wondering what we have done to deserve this. In
most cases, the worse the offense, the less it has to do with what we've
done, and the more it has to do with the offender (whose life may
provide a plausible explanation for bad behaviour, but that's another
story).

Yesterday, I had a conversation with someone that made me feel
uncomfortable. All the way home, I was wracking my brain trying to
figure out why, what I had said or done during the fifteen years I'd
known this person (not well, obviously) and why it would bother me so
much. When I finally stopped talking to catch my breath, my dh said: "It
bothers you because they messed around with your life." Oh yeah, I
thought, that's a good reason...

Jo-Anne Elder-Gomes, mid-life rebel.

             ***********************************************

To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]

The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html