Those are good questions! There are no established rules, as far as how
breastfeeding by an adoptive mother should be handled, while the birth
mother still has custody of the baby. In many cases, the adoptive mom isn't
around when the baby is born, and there is no chance to start breastfeeding
before the baby leaves the hospital. When the prospective adoptive mom is
around while bmom and baby are still in the hospital, there are several
things to think about. Since there are no established guidelines in
hospitals, in most cases, it is good to be very cautious around hospital
staff. I have known of some who have been very supportive and helpful of an
amom who wants to breastfeed, invited her into the hospital nursery, offered
a consult with a hospital LC, etc., and some who have tried to prevent the
amom from even being able to see the baby, as long as it is still in the
hospital. I have also known of social workers, both from an agency, and
from a hospital staff, who have tried to make it as hard for the amom as
they can.
The bmom is another story. Although it might seem like most would like the
idea of the amom breastfeeding, many have a hard time with it, emotionally.
For some, the thought of the baby they have just given birth to in someone
else's arms is tough enough, but the thought of the baby at someone else's
breast is almost more than they can handle! I have run into mothers who
have believed in the benefits of bf, and even done extended breastfeeding
with the babies they had later, whom they were able to parent, who admitted
that they still had a real hard time with the idea of an adoptive mom
breastfeeding. My belief is that, until custody of the baby has officially
been transferred to the adoptive mom, what the birth mom wants is
all-important. Even though it is advantageous for the baby to be able to go
to the breast immediately after birth, I am pretty soft on the idea of the
amom doing so, unless she is invited to by the bmom. All in all, I think
the best policy is to try to get an idea of what the bmom might think about
it, if possible, by asking hypothetical questions and seeing what happens.
That would let the bmom know that there was an interest, on behalf of the
amom, giving her the chance to give positive input and/or offer the amom the
chance to bf immediately after birth, express displeasure about it, or just
change the subject and avoid the topic all together. That is true for
social workers, too. A sw who has a negative attitude against adoptive bf
can cause a great deal of trouble. It is important to be cautious in
bringing it up.
However, I am also a firm believer that, once an adoptive mom has been given
full responsibility for a baby, she needs to have full control over how she
carries that out. In general, to give someone full responsibility, for
anything, and then put restrictions on how she does that, tends to handicap
the person's efforts, which is totally unfair. The timing of when the baby
can be legally relinquished by the bmom varies a great deal, from place to
place. In general, though, when the amom has been given physical custody of
the baby, with it well established that the goal is for the adoption to be
finalized, when the minimum time period is over (which is six months in most
US states) is when adoptive moms start putting the baby to breast. There is
another consideration, which is when the bmom can legally relinquish her
rights. In most states, that can happen within a few days after the birth.
In those cases, I tend to think that it is generally best to wait those few
days, before taking custody and starting to breastfeed. However, there are
some places where there is a much longer time period before the bmom can
sign anything binding. In those cases, I think the drawbacks of waiting for
months to have the baby start breastfeeding right after placement are
definitely sufficient that it is worth taking some risk of disruption.
So, I guess I can't say anything real definite, but I hope it helps, some!
The most important thing is for the adoptive mom to be prepared to start
putting the baby to the breast, as soon as she gets custody. It is also
helpful for her to be prepared for it to take a little doing to get the baby
started. I see an awful lot of moms who throw in the towel after just a
very few tries at getting the baby to breast. Those who have done
preparation in advance seem to be the most likely to get discouraged if the
baby doesn't immediately nurse like a champ. In many cases, that is due to
too much of the focus being on milk production, rather than the nurturing
benefits.
Darillyn
***********************************************
To temporarily stop your subscription: set lactnet nomail
To start it again: set lactnet mail (or digest)
To unsubscribe: unsubscribe lactnet
All commands go to [log in to unmask]
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(R)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html
|