Barbara writes:

" I hate to keep harping on this subject, but again, I think it continues to repeat a fiction we tell
ourselves that  in more "natural" less modern settings women's needs are better attended to.  I suspect it is the opposite, and that in general there is much more sensitivity now in more stable, affluant societies than in bygone days for the griefs that women experience in reproduction."
<snip>
:"Our memories are so short.  It is only 2 or 3 generations in our past that maternal/child deaths were common in the West.  I can recall my own grandmothers and their friends saying things like:  "I have 7 children; 4 living." or "I have 5 children; 2 are in heaven."  
<snip>

I think this is absolutely true. I remember hearing my parents talk about such things when I was growing up and children lost in early life were simply mentioned (when they were) as a matter of course. 

"My own impression is that there is much more sensitivity now than there was
in the past, more permission to grieve, and more opportunity for women to be
heard when they grieve than in times past.  Would I like this counseling to
be more routine and more available?  Yes, of course. " 

I have a different experience with this. I have personally had 5 miscarriages, and what was difficult for me was the expectation that I would experience my feelings in a prescribed way that was consistent with both a medicalized and a Christian perspective. (For example, it was not understood why I chose to miscarry at home, have no ultrasounds, not have D&C's--did have one, or that I saw my babies'  time with me as part of the process of human evolution that both I and these souls chose together). So, while people were sensitive to the idea of loss and grief, they were not generally sensitive to the possibility that I would not share the same world-view on such loss as they did, nor that my own spirituality gave me a very deep understanding of my experiences far beyond the physiological process, and in turn, guided the medical choices that I made (since this was not a sahred spirituality). It is very difficult to interact with others, especially with medical people, when their views are foisted upon you and you are interacted with as if you share certain beliefs that you do not (I worked in a hospital during 2 of my miscarriages, including the most difficult one). For this reason, I did not even share all of the losses with more than a couple of people until much later (even years) and felt a sense of isolation rather than support. Because I experienced these miscarriages over a period of 11 years (and had 2 children during that time), I had recurrent opportunity to re-experience this and came away with much the same opinion that I have about birth and other aspects of health care. People are comfortable with being supportive when they can identify with your perspective, but when it is unfamiliar to them, it is uncomfortable and even threatening. In other words, the predominant view is supported, while the others are obscured by behaving as if the predominant view is shared, whether it is or not--there is just no room for anything else in pregnancy and birth in the US.
Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA