I agree that when a mother's words and actions disagree, there is
something beneath the surface.
Perhaps this mom is having some difficulty with the idea of mothering
more than one child.  Sometimes mothers feel sorry for their firstborn
when they bring a little "rival" into the world, and are oversolicitous
to the older child, at the expense of the new little "stranger" to whom
they are not yet fully bonded.  Sometimes talking about the difficulties
of juggling the needs of 2 children will let the mother start talking
about her feelings, and sometimes remarking that it takes time to bond
to a second baby will let her admit to feeling a little ambivalent.
This is how this mother's actions seem to me...

Last week I saw a mother who had a low milk supply, but did not want to
pump, use galactogogues, or use any kind of tube feeding device.  I had
to bite my tongue and think for a minute to take myself out of the
equation.  I told her that I heard her boundaries, and that while they
eliminate some strategies that I usually find useful, we will work
within them, but that to do so might decrease her chances of exclusively
bf in the future.  That said, we were able to work out a plan that did
work for her (frequent breastfeeding with switchnursing and compression,
and paced bottlefeeding with cueing for a wide gape (similar to Dee
Kassing's method)).  Immediately afterward, I called a trusted colleague
to vent, because I really was ticked off!

I suspect that when mother's reject our carefully thought out plans, we
might not feel honored for our expertise, and that can spark anger and
frustration. Sometimes it feels like a dare -- "can you still help me
while blindfolded, and with one hand tied behind your back?"  I agree
with Jo-Anne that we have to let the mother own the breastfeeding, and
we have to own our own feelings about our interactions with her, or we
are just another one of the many people pushing her around.

--
Catherine Watson Genna, IBCLC  New York City  mailto:[log in to unmask]

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