Thanks to all of you who have written me via the list or privately. All your
words have made for a smiley mother around here.

Darillyn made some good points. I thought I would clarify part of the story
that might have been left out to answer her questions.

I have offered my breast throughout Hagan's entire life. In the beginning she
would sometimes suckle very well with audible swallows,etc. but most of the
time she was quite uncoordinated. She is significantly delayed in all
developmental areas, most likely dyspraxic, and we were originally told she might never
walk or talk. The feeling was that she was very mentally retarded. We
disagree but learning new skills is definitely hard for her.

After 1 year she would not take the breast with or without the SNS,
fingerfeed, or even suck on a Haberman. She also could not cup feed though she can some
now. As more teeth came in she only wanted to gnaw my breasts and the usual
teething/breastfeeding tricks didn't seem to work on her.

Our household was quite stressed nad Hagan was struggling to grow. The
doctors were constantly on us about this too. Our other kids were 5 and 3 at the
time and we had just moved into a new house and new schools so we finally went to
only fresh pumped and banked milk. Then the pumping became frustrating
because I was producing next to nothing and we ended up just with donor and none of
my fresh milk. I had tremendous guilt over this for months but I guess the
stress of keeping up with pumping, teaching oral feeds, visiting with therapists,
and the day to day with other small children got to me. And we still didn't
know what the problem was. We had no diagnosis.

I am currently 7 months pregnant. While I nursed my other children through
pregnancy I am not comfortable attempting to relactate now. But I am dreaming of
the day just around the corner when I will breastfeed our new baby (hopefully
with no special feeding needs) and also pump fresh milk for Hagan. The doctor
and nutritionist have already warned me that pumping might not leave enough
for my infant. That really ticked me off. Apparently I am seen as a breastmilk
freak who would jeopardize the health of my baby to feed Hagan breastmilk.
Fortunately, I am more knowledgeable in breastmilk management and tandem nursing
than either of them.

More importantly, I am getting the sense from many of your posts and emails
that no matter how old the babies of the donor moms are the milk is still
beneficial to my 27 month old. So now I am wondering how I should balance the
banked milk with the new "complete" formula they are suggesting we switch to. Their
recommendation is that she receive about 900 calories of this formula (notice
I am carefully not naming the product). Well, that leaves little room for
breastmilk in her pump or at feeds during the day because she can only take so
much in volume and we also want her to take more during the day. This is why we
liked the organic toddler formula. We could mix with breastmilk instead of
water.

My husband and I would love to use some breastmilk and some of the new
formula but we are being told that the breastmilk is not providing enough nutrition
and she needs the full 900 of this formula. This is where I am insecure. I
want her to have complete nutrition in order to grow but I also can't bare to cut
out the breastmilk. But she can only take so much volume per day (I am sorry
if this is getting confusing). So how much is the right amount of each is the
question.

Darillyn also asked about infections. No, Hagan has never had one at all. Not
ear, not respiratory, and not one at the G-tube site. I have put breastmilk
on the site if it appeared even a bit red. She also has never had hard stools
or been constipated. However, we are noticing smelly, more solid stools since
starting the formula. This is another reason why I just couldn't do away with
the breastmilk.

I am so glad I posted...I debated it for a few days. It is so hard to see
things clearly when it is your own child. I will also see what info the milk
banks can provide regarding toddlers receiving banked milk as Karleen mentioned.

 Just for the record, Hagan has brought more joy to us in her short life than
we could have ever imagined. She is so cool!!!Thanks to all again. Heather
Dana

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