Nancy Mohrbacher said:

"The appropriate emotions are grief at what was lost and anger at the
system that failed her."

...and this statement, in many different forms, has been my way to reach
women whose situations were horribly handled and whose pain was still raw
years later.

Last year, one of my most ardent BF supporters came to my training with
lots of pain - and within seconds I saw her look relieved, change her
attitude and really "get into" my 30-hour training.

Last Friday I was at our son's Rehearsal Dinner - when a mom of a 3 year
old shared with me her frustrations at not being able to breastfeed him for
over 4 weeks due to terribly damaged nipples. (She had been pumping.)
 Again I used the above statement - and received such a hug, tears,
gratefulness - you could even see her posture get straighter!  She DOES
plan to have more children - and she DOES plan to get "real" help next
time.  She's from England - so we teased that it would give me an excuse to
go and be there by day 3.  (Of course I'll try to get her local help.)

Dealing with these raw feelings is something we have to learn to do -
whether from the mom we're visiting, her sister or mother, or the doctor or
nurse who was unable to breastfeed.   We can either build bridges or make
chasms - and guess which ones will help us get to where we need to go?

Jeanette Panchula, BSW, RN, PHN, IBCLC

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