Kika, first of all, I am so sorry to hear about the death of your baby, Javier!  I am sure that having your milk was a comfort to him, during his short life.  Also, sorry to hear that you ended up having to throw away your milk!  As far as informal milk donation goes, as an adoptive mother, I have had a fairly wide variety of experiences.  When I adopted my first, early in 1983, a LLL leader gave me some milk she had in her deep freeze, which I gave my son through the Lact-Aid.  I never knew anything about the mother it came from.  However, by the time our second son arrived, in 1986, there was a lot of hysteria over AIDS.  I had told our pediatrician that I wanted to try to nurse Allan, which brought no response from him but a stunned  look, as if I had said I was flying to the moon.  I also mentioned the possibility of getting donated breast milk, and he told me, in no uncertain terms, NOT to get him donated breast milk, because of the threat of AIDS and other diseases.  I did not get far nursing him, due to suckling problems that I was unequipped to manage at the time.  Allan was a totally miserable baby, with constant ear infections, who spent most of his time screaming or crying, and did not gain weight well.  After a few months, during which doing it the pediatrician's way had not brought on any improvement, I finally decided to try to find some donated breast milk.  LLL said they no longer facillitated such donations, but I was able to find a lady in our housing area who had a very easy time expressing milk and said she would be happy to donate some for Allan.  The improvement in his health was almost immediate!

In the years since, I have accepted donations of breast milk from several women whom I was acquainted with.  I have also run into people with vastly different opinions on the topic of informally breast milk donations.  One woman, who is actually an LC, chastised me severely for suggesting that adoptive mothers might consider taking donations from a trusted friend or relative, saying that I would be responsible for babies getting AIDS and catching every other virus or bacteria the donor might have, and would certainly be sued for my irresponsibility!  On the other hand, there are people who casually arrange breast milk donations between parties who live in different parts of the country, and don't know anything about each other.  

I still feel that it is OK to accept milk from a trusted friend or relative.  The odds that the milk will help prevent a baby from becoming ill are certainly much greater than the odds that they baby will catch anything from it.  I am more hesitant about donations between parties who do not know each other at all.  I would like to see more control taken over that, by the parties involved.  I think it is probably more likely that someone who donates milk could get into trouble, than that a baby could actually get something from it.  We know how many times milk from the bio mom of a baby is suspected as being the cause of a problem.  If a baby who was receiving donated milk got sick, there are certainly people out there who would be willing to blame the milk, whether or not there is any real evidence that it had anything to do with it. 

It is not reasonable, either, for everyone to try to get banked milk.  For one thing, the cost is so high that most families would not be able to afford it, without insurance, which is not likely to cover it, unless the child has a specific condition that can be shown to result in a special inability to get by on formula.  I also feel that, at least in cases of adoption, or certain other situations, the best thing is for the mother to nurse and provide whatever amount of milk she can, combined with formula supplement.  At least with babies for whom there is a well tolerated formula available to provide part of the diet, I think it is more prudent to avoid informal donations between unacquainted parties.  Also, I feel that the adoptive mom's milk has advantages over donated milk, because it is specific to the environment that the baby lives in.  It is fresh from the breast, not having any alteration by freezing, etc..

I have also been interested in some recent discussion on Pasteurizing milk, and think that makes sense, especially in some cases. 

Anyway, just a few thoughts, not a real answer.  I would like to hear what others think about this topic.

Aloha,
Darillyn

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