These are difficult not only for the parents, of course, but for
those who know and work with them.  While it may seem the opposite
of what a grieving mother would want to experience, I know that some
have not only "allowed" their milk to come in, but have pumped and
donated to a milk bank for a while.  One told me that she found it
healing to be able to provide this valuable gift to a baby who could
use it.  A mom might think about this but be afraid to mention it
for fear she will be considered wierd to consider doing this.  The
option can be presented very neutrally to her.  You might say
something like, "Each mother grieves and learns to cope with that
grief in ways that are unique to her.  There is no way to safely
block the milk production to begin.  Some mothers want to be rid of
this reminder as soon as possible, while others have chosen to
donate some milk to a baby who can benefit from it while the
grieving mom allows more time for her body to realize she will not
be nursing.  I will help you with whatever approach you feel is best
for you."
As for how to dry up.  I usually suggest a mom express or pump just
enough to relieve the pressure of full breasts.  Any of the
suggestions given to nursing moms to relieve the swelling that can
accompany initial milk fullness would also apply here; bags of
frozen small or finely chopped veggies, any kind of ice pack that
will surround the breast, not just lie on the areola, and of course
cabbage leaves.  For a mom who is trying to "dry up" I suggest
cabbage 'rounbd the clock whenever she is at home (probably doesn't
want that cabbage smell when out in public).   As soon as one
application gets wilted, she can replace it with fresh.

Winnie

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