Dear Wise Ones,

I am grateful for the range of wisdom and insight given in response to my
questions.

I do have a bit of followup from this case.   First of all, one of those who
wrote to me privately asked if I had personally observed the things about
which I wrote, or if they were told to me by the mom.  It was a good question
to ask, and yes, I did make two home visits, Friday and Saturday, and
observed the lethargy and appearance of jaundice, as well as phone
conversations.

Here are the updates, per mom, hopefully in a nutshell.  Yesterday (Monday)
mom took baby to pediatrician for a checkup (day 6).  Ped said baby is not
dehydrated, the poopy diaper looked okay to him that day, but he was
concerned about jaundice.  Bloodwork showed bilirubin at 16, and thankfully
the doc said it was not where he'd like it to be, but he wouldn't worry
seriously unless it got to 20.  He encouraged mom to breastfeed a lot and
expose baby to sun (good for that doc!).  Baby's birth weight was 6lb15oz,
and yesterday he was 7 lbs - again thankfully.

Next, mom went and bought a hospital-grade electric pump, and got a 15-min
visit with an LC.  The LC affirmed for mom the things I'd told her, and made
one   additional suggestion about latch, and the nursing couplet went home.
Mom decided to pump and feed with a bottle 'till the next day.  Her nipples
healed noticeably and she's back to breastfeeding.  ...and baby is finally
awake and alert a bit more.  Now she's complaining that she can barely go to
the bathroom, much less take a bath or shower, because the baby is sleeping
much less - boy do I remember those days!

I suspected before, and it's more confirmed now, that this mom needs
confidence in her own instincts and abilities as a mother.  She is an
engineer, very methodical, and really doesn't know how to be adaptable or
flexible.  During our childbirth class, she sometimes asked the same question
more than once, even right after getting the question answered in detail.  I
think she feels as though she has to do a list of specific practical things,
and just doesn't know how to think and act creatively.

She told me that she didn't feel prepared when they were discharged after the
birth.  No one offered her bf assistance or information, even when she says
she gave verbal cues that she wasn't confident or knowledgeable.  There were
classes available for patients, a special newborn care channel on the TV, and
educational handouts for patients to read while there.  She didn't know about
those things until her followup visit yesterday.  She feels like the hospital
staff let her down in that area.  She asked if I thought those classes would
be helpful to her now, and if they'd let her sit in on them.  I suggested she
call the hospital and ask if she could go to them.  I also tried to encourage
her to go to her local LLL meetings, since my group is on hiatus.  My gut
instinct says that she needs to network with other mothers, hear about
reality and struggles and successes.  I realized these things during today's
call, after she did the same thing as previously - asked me a question, I
answered it, and then a moment later, asked the nearly identical question
again.  It suddenly occurred to me that this mom was feeling insecure,
knowing that she's very intelligent, but now out of her "element" or comfort
zone, wanting to know the formula (bad pun) for newborn care.

Here's my lightbulb moment:  she asked me what I thought about when I was
visiting them, how I thought she was doing.  I told her that she has a
beautiful baby, and that I can tell what a good, caring mother she is.  (As I
talked in this vein, I could "feel" her relax over the phone.)  I encouraged
her to try and relax, to snuggle and smile and just enjoy her precious little
baby.  I said that the main concern I had was with the frequency of nursings,
but I was pleased at the doctor's report.  I affirmed  that it's good that
she wants to learn everything she can, and that she will also see herself
growing in confidence in her own mothering skills and instincts.  It was hard
to end the call (our dinner was getting cold during this looooong call) --
she kept wanting to hang on, trying to think of more questions to ask.

I was even able to interject a little humour toward the end of the call -
that we all worry about our children from time to time, even well into their
adult years.  Just when we finally feel confident in handling this phase of
our child's development, they move into the next one without warning - and
we're off and running again, trying to learn to mother and nurture them the
best we can.  But, it's rewarding to love and care for our children, and
watch who they grow up to be.  It's nice to be in a position to say that - my
4 grown children are wonderful, in spite of all my mistakes, and they know
they are loved immensely.

Donna J. Harvey
Chairperson, Kern County Breastfeeding Promotion Coalition
Group Leader, La Leche League of Tehachapi, CA
"Mother-to-Mother Help with Breastfeeding"

La Leche League, International's MISSION STATEMENT:
    Our mission is to help mothers worldwide to breastfeed through
mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education and to
promote a better understanding of breastfeeding as an important element in
the healthy development of the baby and mother.
LLLI Board of Directors, May 89; rev Apr 93







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