Kathleen,

       I too have run into moms that preserve the schedule above all else.
Often I can acquire some form of "meeting of the minds" when we discuss how
important it is to be flexible when everything does not go exactly as
planned.  There are many examples in life where planning is ineffective.
Such as births and deaths (can't plan those!), bad weather, tardiness, etc.
I talk to them about their own habits.  Do they wake up at exactly the same
time and go to sleep at exactly the same time every day?  Do they eat
according to schedule?  Is every day the same as the next like the movie,
"Ground Hog Day"?  Would they like it if it were?

       You might tell me that this mom would not be convinced that a strict
schedule is not good for her baby, and I have bumped into this mentality
also, but correct me if I am wrong-- typically we are striking some form of
mental illness, like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) or or Authoritarian
personality or Anorexia.  Also this behavior typifies mothers who are in the
middle of cult-like experiences such as a group of Ezzo parents, religious
parenting groups,  or I have also noticed "yuppy" groups like this in my area
(wealthy parents who make sure that junior or missy will be strong in all
areas before they can even sit up).  I try to encourage a mother to have her
own "compass", but when they are "indoctrinated" it is very hard to do much
about it, even when their baby is OBVIOUSLY not thriving.

       One of my "yuppy" moms lived in a two story Victorian home.  She had a
c-section, and insisted on sleeping on the first floor while the baby slept
with the monitor on the second floor.  The baby was not going to interfere
with her life, and she was going to follow the schedule set for her.  Mom was
only feeding the baby every FIVE hours.  The doctor had seen the baby at Week
1, and then told mom that he wouldn't need to see her for two more weeks
(which is standard).  However, I saw baby at week 2 and I was already
noticing signs of dehydration.  I showed this mother several resources about
normal feeding schedules, we had a discussion about how the crying was SEVERE
between feeds-- and NOTHING could change this mother's mindset.  I called her
pediatric office, and recommended that they call her in for a weight check
immediately.  Considering the circumstances, they did.  I did not get much
follow up on this case because of confidentiality issues, and the mother (who
I was assured--did not know that I called) was not very fond of the
information that I provided.

In a message dated 5/13/02 9:30:50 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
[log in to unmask] writes:


> >Debbie, but the problem is that the mother I worked with thought that her
> >baby needed the ritual and the schedule, almost more than the FOOD. Baby
> >was not gaining. Mother is TERRIFIED to leave off the schedule, as it might
> >disturb the baby's need for predictability.
> >
> >Kathleen
>

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