HI everyone,

Didn't expect to writing again so soon, but I thought you'd all like to
hear an upbeat message.

I posted a week or two ago about wanting the older baby to breastfeed.  No,
he hasn't latched on yet, and if he had, it would have been a total shock.
We still have a ways to go.  But because of all your support and
encouragement, things are changing.  Before posting to Lactnet, I saw each
little nusring sign as rejection and defeat.  Now I see they are all "baby
steps" in the process toward the ultimate goal of healing.

Bobby totally refused to take a sippy cup lid into his mouth for more than
a second or two when I wrote that posting.  After about three days of
trying again (I dismissed the OT's explaination that this was going
backwards, thanks to all of your enthusiasm and hopeful words), he now
takes it without a problem, completely closes his mouth around it, and
SUCKS the water from the cup.  That is the first thing I have ever seen him
suck.  I am aware that the tongue motion of a nursing child is different
than sucking, but I was so thrilled that he took gulp after gulp of the
water without removing the spout from his mouth.  It is certainly a step in
the right direction.

And again because of all of your support, I am now offering him my breast
whenever I instinctively feel I should.  He has had his hand down my shirt
constantly for these last few weeks, licking my chest if my shirt neck is
low enough, rubbing his face into my shirt, etc...all the right moves.  So
I decided to take him up on it.  Now whenever he shows me those nursing
cues, I flip him down into position, he initially tenses up, and then he
settles.  Next I'll take out my nipple as if I would nurse him...more
tenseness on his part, but then, ta da!  we play games with my nipple.
Nipple in the ear, nipple on the nose, silly noises, lots of eye contact,
and he laughs and laughs, and don't you know, he opened his mouth a few
times when I brushed it against his lips or cheek. In fact, as I was
writing this, he was whining because he wanted my attention, I stopped
typing, we did our nipple play, and he actually opened his mouth really
wide to grab it, but it took me totally by surprise and I pulled it out of
his mouth ready to move on to the next place to play.  It is very likely to
happen again.

So instead of finding every way to distract myself and fight my instincts
to nurse him, I am now going with it, we're having lots of fun, it's a
positive experience for him, and I feel like I have a part of my nursing
baby back.  Having nursed my other children over the years,  I tuned into
and refined these instincts, and though I tried,  they were almost
impossible to ignore with Bobby.  Frustrating is stating it mildly,
downright depressing is more like it.  We are both much happier now because
of all of your wonderful posts.

Thanks again, all of you.  I won't be cluttering LACTNET with weekly
progress reports or anything, but I just couldn't help but tell you how
right you all were!  Even is this doesn't lead to actual latching and
nursing, it feels much better for both of us.

Trish and Bobby

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