Sarah presented us with a very difficult situation. She tried to bring the issue of breastfeeding into a course on women's studies. This is obviously a relevant aspect of women's development and should be included in any good course on this topic. Unfortunately, according to the information presented by Sarah, the discussion on breastfeeding seems to have descended into the negative feelings aroused by breastfeeding and women bashing i.e. blaming La Leche Leaders, rather than  academic discourse on the developmental behavior of nursing and related issues. The question is: how can we re-route this discussion and turn it back into a useful academic material that will enhance growth? . 
 
I would acknowledge the participants' feelings. It appears that they feel that they did not have the positive breastfeeding experiences that they had hoped to have or similar. As a result they contend that were made to feel, amongst other negative feelings, guilty. Their feelings are real. There is no doubt in this. Their perceptions, therefore, are a reality that will effect the discussion and should be dealt with. 

How? Sarah can validate their feelings. In validating feelings we do just that, we talk about the feelings and don't use words that judge the other side in the narrative. For example, if we are working with a couple, the wife might say something like, "my husband is horrible he did this and that". Even if the husband's behavior seems disgusting, we will not really be helpful if we say something like "Your husband really is horrible how could he do that.." It is better if we say something like "It really sounds like you are feeling very upset with your husband today." 
 
Similarly, in this case validation of the women's feelings  means that you focus on the feeling not the event. For example, "It sounds like you feeling really upset about what happened to you when you tried to nurse. It sounds like you were unable to breastfeed your child in the way that you had hoped." 

Readjusting the focus to perceptions rather than attempting to determine events is especially important because, while we are sure that women's perceptions are real, we do not have the ability to determine the accuracy of the events that took place. Attempts to defend or to join in the blaming, will not enable this group to deepen their understanding of breastfeeding, contingent processes and the source of their own feelings.  

It is important to remember that one can not cause another to feel certain feelings. Individual emotional scripts determine how different events will be perceived in the self. Emotional scripts reflect our  life history, coping mechanisms, internal interpretative devices, individual interpretation of cultural meaning and other. The same event might cause different people to emotionally react in dissimilar ways. Feelings are individual and are owned by each person in their own way. Accordingly, one can not make another feel guilty or anything else for that matter. 

After Sarah spends some time validating feelings, she might provide her co-students with some information on breastfeeding. They might be able to hear her better at that time. 
 
I would start with a subject that has meaning for these women in the here and now. These women's narratives show the negative effect of culture on perceptions of breastfeeding and have also demonstrated the well known, ever present, very popular and most discouraging myth that breastfeeding proponents are radicals who shame women and make women feel guilty. Hence, I would point out how common this myth is and try to give them insight into the roots of misconceptions regarding breastfeeding. 
 
I would get into a discussion of the determinants, including cultural factors, that cause women to bash one another rather than looking at the whole picture. Bring in feminist theory, this is a course on women's studies after all. Talk about breast envy and the impact on women's ability to own their breasts. Talk about anthropological findings and the disruption of the meaning of breasts in western culture.   Use ecological models to demonstrate the role of big business in proliferating myths that hinder natural development for women, children and families. Look at the history of breastfeeding in western culture. Refer to them to the INFACT Canada website and anthropology websites. 
 
I could go on and on. However, one thing that I would never ever do is to join in the game of bashing other women who sincerely attempt to support breastfeeding. This is irrelevant and does not advance learning about an important aspect of women's development. 
 
Good luck Sarah!    

Keren Epstein-Gilboa MEd BScN RN FACCE LCCE IBCLC
PhD (Candidate), Human Development/Family Relations
psychotherapist 

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