Can I bore you all with my own tale of now 21 months of constant nipple
trauma and the struggle it has been for not just me and dear child but
our whole family? Despite the reassurance of having a name for the
condition causing the problems there have been no solutions and little
improvement so I cannot say enough how much the support of people who
knew what was happening meant to us all. Even close friends I think had
no idea what the deal was here, and as written the agony of feeding
became so much a part of feeding that I don't think any part of my body
betrayed the pain I was feeling. The support and gentle enquiries of
my IBCLC friend meant so much to me. She allowed me the space to make my
own decisions, which was to continue feeding and not make any decision,
and never took it upon herself to say anything either negative or
positive about the situation, she was just quietly there for the low
days and shared in my joy when there were small breakthroughs,
especially as we worked together to solve what was really going on. We
worked together in the face of many who dismissed the idea of a feeding
problem based solely on the baby's healthy and upwards growth chart. For
me this "hands off my mind" approach was absolutely the best, because
really it was not her place to either applaud me for continuing to Bf
through a seemingly impossible (and perhaps hopeless) situation because
that would have possibly made me feel like I was letting her down had I
decided to stop, and nor was it her role to encourage me through what
was clearly a very difficult and painful situation. While at times I
begged for someone to say SOMETHING, to acknowledge what was happening,
I feel very clearly now (and it could be nearing the end as just today
she went to bed with a story and a cuddle and no mention of feeding)
that as an IBCLC (and now friend and mentor as I study to apply for
2002) her role was not to tell me what to do or not to do, but merely to
affirm what I wanted to do that day, and maybe affirm something else
the next. I have learnt so much from my time and from her quiet wisdom
and judgement.
It is a long but interesting (I think) tale and if anyone wants to know
I can tell the story but I just wanted to say that your quiet support,
and not judgements or pronouncements through difficult situations, be
they sore nipples or whatever, serves the interests of mums and babies
so well. If decisions are made, or not made, there should be support and
affirmation at that's all. As a mum I didn't need someone saying "it's
hopeless, and look at the size of your nipples, no wonder." and nor did
I need someone telling me I was a saint as I sat there loving my baby
and loving breastfeeding as a concept but feeling in so much pain and
torment I just couldn't stand it a moment longer. I had a wonderful
IBCLC who has been available for 21 months now just quietly listening
to me exploring my options as we tried to deal with an awful situation.
Sometimes there is nothing you can say but your support is invaluable
and can make such a difference. Sorry for the length and the rave, but I
have pondered this at great length in my quest to be better at what I
love doing.
Meg Kingsley
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Meg Kingsley
Lay Breastfeeding Supporter, Dubai UAE
E-Mail : [log in to unmask]
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