Jennifer and others-

I was just thinking, "Hmm, isn't it funny how we've gone from this new
"social marketing" idea for the selling of breastfeeding to the American
public--the sexuality of breastfeeding, that is- to the medicalization
of breastfeeding on Lact-Net?" What I mean is, the discussion has gone
from Fio's post and the follow-ups on porn to the thread on NICU feeding
choices to the idea that women in America are now nursing because "They
have to", as it's medically best in so many ways. And Gail Hertz is
totally correct about the "You can't make me do it" just b/c it's good
for me and my baby phenomenon. Yes, babies love it. Almost every baby
likes to co-sleep, too and that ain't gonna happen regularly in these
here Yoo-nited States any more than breastfeeding.

It's almost taboo to discuss the bonuses of breastfeeding outside of
their medical and economic benefits, such as the closeness and
understanding engendered by such a symbiotic relationship. And as an
active Leader, an Area Conference Supervisor no less (whose job it is
every year to get LOTS of people to one big breastfeeding EVENT), I am
troubled by the lack of want for a community that some women have, which
is often necessary for long term success (in anything, including school,
as Kathy D. has so wisely pointed out). I'm not saying the women have to
belong to my LLL Group, just any group at all (there are a few
successful non-LLL groups around here). I once asked at an LLL meeting,
"How many of you had seen a mother nursing before you came to your first
meeting?" Of 14 people, only 2 hands went up, both of them belonging to
flight attendants. Gee. Any wonder bfing seems odd?

Then there's the whole idea of pumping. More medicalization of bfing.
While I think pumping is great for a working mother, I'm finding more
and more women who pump from day one, because they've heard that it's a
good way to protect their nipples and because they want daddy involved
by bottlefeeding and because, I suspect, they feel that the level of
attachment that naturally happens when you nurse exclusively is somehow
culturally unacceptable. I don't want to address the first two on
Lact-Net;  I would, however, be curious to know if others feel that our
only three predominant modes of discussing advantages are: medical,
cultural/anthropological, and economic. (No offense to Kathy D. who has
done EXCELLENT and THOROUGH work on the cultural/anthropological mode.)
What I'm getting at is, are we ALL (not just LLL) not sharing something
with the public at large here? And can that sort of thing even be shared
until a woman has experienced it (As in, "Everyone's a parenting expert
until they actually become a parent.")? Yes, I've had the incredulous
stares from pregnant or new moms when I've said, "Some of my fondest
memories of nursing are the night nursings, when it was just me and my
daughter and no distractions. We were so close in that moment." The look
back says, "You gave up sleep for this?" and/or "Isn't admitting that a
little perverted?" Women will contact LLL, another bfing group or an LC
when they have a problem and they want an answer, not when things are
going well, so maybe that's why we don't do enough of the warm-fuzzy
stuff except with a mother who does not have problems but instead the
wrong expectations about babies and bfing and is open to a little
attitude/expectation adjustment. If the women we come into contact with
as proponents of nursing like the answer and/or the vibe they get from
LLL in particular, for example, they'll come back, and then they become
really pro-breastfeeding.

I will also grant Elisheva that LLL has its limits, though we in LLL
don't often like to hear that. In our defense, I don't think it's
actually the organization itself, it's the people (As in, "It's not a
church/temple/mosque that's hypocritical, it's its people."). LLL is a
single-issue organization which has stayed true to its concern through
more than 40 years of social change and some very strong efforts from
the inside and the outside to branch out. That's commendable. Some would
like us to be more comprehensive about pre & post-natal & pediatric care
issues and/or so-called "feminist" or even so-called "pro-family"
issues, and others think we already overstep the bounds somehow. There
are people on the fringe who scare others, but that's true of every
organization. LLL does have an excellent peer counselor program, and one
that should be bigger and in more places, to address the limitations of
LLL as it's currently constructed in the US at least. Linda Blum in "At
the Breast: Ideologies of Breastfeeding And Mothering in the
Contemporary United States" pointed out the degree to which LLL is a
white, middle- to upper-middle-class, suburban phenomenon and the dearth
of bfing support, LLL or otherwise, for any working-class and/or single
mom, regardless of race or colour.

I was thinking all this and then I mentioned in my office that I was a
LLL Leader who had recently weaned and how pleasant nursing had been.
(Jan, I know how you feel, listen to this. I wasn't feeling charitable
either.) My co-workers know my child will be four in a month. Once they
picked up their jaws from the floor, two of them went on a hardy defense
of why they had bottlefed, one of them calling her daughter a "shark"
whom she nursed once and found the experience to be so unpleasant that
she said, "Get this kid off me!" and the other saying both nipples
cracked and bled on day 4, and that was it for her. And then,
reinforcing each other, they said, "I'm so glad I didn't breastfeed. I
didn't want to be a cow." And I walked away, not using many of my
empathetic listening skills but only mustering the phrase to them, "We
do what we think is best for ourselves and our families." What I was
really thinking is, "I am so tired of hearing these stories of failure
and their
justifications, and I feel like I've just been pooped on." Everyone has
to construct their own fantasy about their life so they come out in the
most positive light, I guess. But then I got to thinking, these young
women (they are not over 30) are working-class. Both are receptionists
at an "alternative" weekly paper and both had to go back to work soon
after the birth of their children. I wonder: we hear so much about
network TV anchors and actresses breastfeeding and pumping, but they're
in an entirely different socio-economic class. And when these so-called
professional women (what exactly is a professional woman? ;-)) talk
about it, it's in terms of pumping to continue to work, also. Is there a
correlation between income, age, and education as it relates to
breastfeeding? Does anyone have HARD facts about this? I really, really
want to start educating people where they are at and move forward, not
into a cookie-cutter way by saying, "This is the only correct way to
breastfeed" (sounds patriarchal, doesn't it?) but into something that
will make women, and hopefully this society, healthier on so many
levels. If we did more nurturing and nursing and followed our instincts
more, do you think 4 million kids in the US would be on ADD/ADHD meds?
OK, bfing is not the only solution. Supporting parents and parenting,
not just paying lip-service, is also part of the solution. Maybe it's
all inter-related. But maybe the hardest thing to impart is the
closeness, because our language lacks the
words, but we all see it in each others' eyes when we talk about
nursing. If we could share that somehow, do you think it would be
different? But how do we share that?

Sorry to ramble with all my musings. I think there are several points in
there, and some questions, too. I do appreciate all the views and news
on Lact-Net, and the support.

Natalie Rawlings Kraut
LLL Leader, Plantation, FL
Area Conference Supervisor, LLL-FL

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