I received a call yesterday from a mom of a 16 m.o.  From the start I
heard a child shrieking in the background.  She began by telling me that
her pediatrician had told her that she *had* to wean her daughter
immediately and could I tell her how to do it.  Why had he said she must
wean?  Bec. her daughter had not gained weight in 6 mos.  She is staying
at 22 pounds.  I ran through illnesses, pathology, etc.  Nope, perfectly
healthy child who both breastfeeds and eats a good quantity of solids.
What did doc say were his worries?  She didn't gain and occasionally
lost and gained back ounces.  Ped. also told her that bm had no value to
the child after 6 months and children need to be on cow's milk in order
to get the necessary fat to gain properly.  Working hard to hide my
incredulity, I had her repeat the ped's remarks to be sure I was getting
it correctly.  She repeated it exactly.  She also mentioned that she had
an appointment to have the child seen at Philadelphia's Children's
Hospital to evaluate her for some condition that would explain her
failure to gain weight.

Throughout our discussion mother was clearly stressed by the ped but was
explicitly asking me for things to say to get her ped and others off her
butt.  She seemed confident that her child was healthy and just wanted
support to put her daughter to the breast.

I went through the drill about milk production and value in older
children.  Politely suggested that her ped had not seen the latest from
from his own governing body.  Found out that both she and her husband
are small people descended from even smaller ones.  Then offered to look
up the growth charts for bf babies.  She didn't know there was a diff.
I explained that her ped. uses a chart for ff babies.  Did I mention
that the child is currently in the 25th percentile on the ped's chart?

I had heard the child stop wailing and started to hear a hostile male
voice hollering at her in the background.  Things like "There must be an
age at which they just stop!" and "What difference does that make!"
Very angry and it was throwing her.  She was hanging on my every word
(or attempting to) especially when I talked about weaning and ways of
weaning or choosing not to, etc.

Then I suddenly hear a scuffle, here her say "NO!" and the phone is
slammed down.

I instinctively went into my domestic violence counselor mode.  I am a
non-practicing lawyer (domestic violence having been a major area of
concentration) and a state certified domestic violence counselor.  So I
waited a few minutes to see if she would call me back.  When she didn't
I hit *69 and got her number.  Luckily she answered.  She said we had
been disconnected.  I then did what I would have done with a DV client -
all yes or no questions.  "Sounds to me like your husband took the phone
from you and hung up, is that true?" "Yes."  "Would you like to talk to
me some more?" "Yes."  "Would you prefer to talk to me when your husband
is not home?" "Yes."  "Does he work during the day?" "Yes."  "Would
tomorrow morning be good?" "Yes" "I need to ask you this bec. I am
worried about the way he took the phone from you.  Are you safe right
now?"  pause "Yes."  "Is there anything you would like me to do to help
you now?"  "No, it's okay."

So today I will call her back.

I just wanted to post this bec. I think everybody needs a wake-up call
now and then that battered women are in our treatment population just as
much as they are in any other population and we need to be watching for
the signs and be ready to deal with it.  With my background I felt that
at a point in my conversation my duty became twofold - 1. to help her
breastfeed her child and 2. to make sure she was safe from domestic
violence.

Thanks for listening.

Jake
--
Jake Marcus Cipolla: freelance writer & editor; work-at-home mom to Luca
(7/94), Nicholas (5/97), & Aidan (3/00); LLLL; LC aspirant.
mailto:[log in to unmask]

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