Marsha wrote:
> Given the culture today and how seldom an older child usually nurses, why
would it be necessary to do it in public, or in such a public way?
Maybe, precisely BECAUSE of the way our culture views the nursing of an
older child?
I am not sure why this mother felt it necessary to ask her four year old if
he wanted to nurse. Maybe she saw him getting distressed and knew that
nursing would help to calm him? Whatever the reason, I can certainly
understand why others, who were not used to seeing a child that age
breastfeed, might think it strange.
At what age, precisely, should mothers nurse only in private? I remember
reading how some of the LLL Founders later *admitted* to being closet
nursers back in the 50s and 60s. I would have hoped that things had changed
just a little since then.
I also remember when my last baby turned a year. I had just moved to a new
area and joined the local bf support group, where it was suggested that I
nurse her in private at meetings in order to avoid offending anyone. It was
a very conservative neighbourhood! As she grew older - and continued to
nurse - something interesting happened. More and more women started to nurse
for longer periods too. Because they had never seen a group leader nurse an
older baby, they ASSUMED they had weaned at a year! It gradually became not
only acceptable but also *normal* to nurse a toddler. We began to start
every meeting with the statement, *We are here to offer you encouragement
and information for as long as you choose to nurse your baby, whether it be
for days, weeks, months, or until he weans himself. Only you and your child
can decide what is right for you.*
If people do not see an older child nursing, why would they even realize
that such a thing was possible, not to mention normal? The first time I saw
a three year old nurse I was astonished. This pretty little girl ran into
the room, lifted her mother's shirt, nursed for all of ten seconds and then
ran off again. Why on earth would she do such a thing? Didn't her mother
FEED her? Wasn't her mother EMBARRESSED? What was the world coming to?
Looking back at that incident, I can see how far I have come. My first child
weaned (with my help) at 28 months, after tandem nursing for six months with
his sister. I think I may have continued to nurse him longer if I had known
other women who were tandem nursing too. The second one weaned herself just
before her third birthday while I was recovering from a miscarriage. After a
day without nursing she decided that she just didn't need to do it any more.
The last one nursed till just past her sixth birthday. It was a tremendous
comfort to nurse her as I mourned the death of my own mother.
As someone else pointed out, children are SUPPOSED to be dependant on their
mothers. That is the essence of being a child. We are in such a hurry to
promote independance that we forget there is any value to childishness. We
say, *Don't be a baby!* and *Don't behave like a two year old!* What is
WRONG with being a baby or a toddler? Why are we so afraid that our children
will fail to grow up? When they are little we are up all night with them:
when they are teenagers we are up all night waiting for them. Why can't we
just enjoy our children at each stage, rejoicing in their unique abilities
and gifts?
Norma Ritter, IBCLC
private practice in Big Flats, upstate NY
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