I find these among the most difficult situations to deal with.

The calls I tend to get are from mothers with young babies - they are
asking how to get a baby through the night without feeding from a
very early age. The earliest call I have had asking this was from a
mother whose baby was just 3 days old, and that was quite recent, but
probably 6 weeks to 6 months is more typical.

The 3 day one is not all that much of a challenge to the counsellor,
I suppose, as I know that what I say about normality will be
uncontradicted by health carers and most other people the mother
asks....but that is not the case beyond the newborn stage.

I sometimes find it helps to ask the mother if it's important she
resolves this question right now, or would it be ok if she thought
about waiting a bit, to see if night feeding got easier by itself, or
she felt it easier to cope with? Then we talk about coping strategies
etc etc. Often, mothers are prepared to wait , and I say there are
less harsh strategies to use than just leaving the baby to scream,
and they are easier to implement with an older baby.

It seems to me that 'getting the baby to go through the night' is
seen as a mark of good parenting in our society, a badge of
honour...and conversely, a baby/toddler/child who continues to wake
is a reflection of fecklessness, weakness, even delinquency : (


Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc Newcastle upon Tyne UK

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