In a more family-friendly society, women wouldn't have to
disagree amongst themselves about who is making the morally correct value
choices, because there would be real choices.
It is quite an eye-opener to tell Norwegians that in the US, mothers do not
have legislative protection enabling them to be with their babies for any
length of time after birth, at no loss of income.  Most refuse to believe
it.  America?!  No way!  Richest country in the world?  No universal
maternity leave?!  Impossible!

We are spoiled rotten here by US standards, in being able to hop out of a
career path for up to a year after giving birth, and still draw full pay or
close to it.  Or we can spread our leave over three years, and work reduced
hours.  It is a challenge, especially for the hospital system, but it is so
politically un-correct to whine about how inconvenient babies are for
everyone else that most mothers are not burdened by that.

As someone who managed to time both children to coincide with critical
points in her professional education, I am mindful of the need to respect
the choices women make.  But that means they have to HAVE choices!  When the
choice is between Rock or Hard Place, there is hardly room for more than
sympathy, and then a quiet sense of wonder that so many millions of people
are still putting up with a system that requires them to do all the
adjusting and sacrificing and offers them almost nothing in return.  Look
around at the rest of the world.  Many countries have found better
solutions.

To get personal here: I sought information about breast pumps when I was
planning my return to school in the US after a six month leave to have a
baby.  Because of the design of the curriculum, it was six months or
nothing, and I was fortunate to be able to take six months.  The volunteer I
reached by phone was more concerned with why I needed to express milk (why
wasn't I going to continue to be in my baby's immediate vicinity around the
clock when she was only 6 months old?) than with giving me any information
on which models worked and which were garbage.  The question was posed in an
aggressive way, and it was the first time I ever felt like going out, buying
bottles, and giving them, just for spite.  I had never felt so defensive
before, and was unprepared for what felt like an attack on my choice, when
all I had done was seek information about products.  My child was, up to
that point, exclusively breastfed aside from the scrap of writing paper she
had ingested the week before, and here I was feeling like an unfit mother
after one simple question.  My sitter, a good friend, was willing and able
to BF my daughter, I wasn't sending her to Gary Ezzo Boarding School.  We
are very sensitive about what others think about our mothering practices.  I
hope to avoid arousing that response in mothers seeking help, though I have
no problems being provocative in dialogue with professional peers.

Have a good weekend, everyone.  We are celebrating the passage of our baby
into adolescence tomorrow and I should get back to the mountains of work in
front of me.  30 guests for coffee and cake after a (restaurant) dinner for
15, and baking is one of my least favorite kitchen occupations.  Some people
manage these things without batting an eye, but I am not one of them.  If
only e-mail could produce cakes!
Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway
reminiscing over the days when this child was satisfied with Fast Food on
mother's lap

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