Okay, so this is a personal story, so you had the opportunity to delete.
":)" Three years ago when my twins were born, I had NO MILK. Now, this
was bizzare considering I had already successfully nursed 3 children and
always had enough milk to feed my own and several others if necessary. Here
I was, LLL for years, IBCLC, experienced mom and NO MILK. Well, after 72
hours of screaming hungry babies who nursed non-stop and 24 hours without wet
diapers or a bowel movement for even longer, I had to face the fact that I
needed to feed the babies. How was I to reconcile poisoning my children vs
starving them when I was already in a very bad place of depression after a
c-section instead of my planned home birth (made impossible because of twins
and c-sec very necessary after 2 hours of pushing breech first presentation
twin with meconium). It was not going to be fun and I did not want to give
one drop more of the "synthetic infant formula" than absolutely necessary to
allow them not to become dehydrated, lose too much, etc. Otherwise, I would
have to accept that I was not the one feeding my babies. So, I got an
M...... scale and before and after every nursing for each baby I weighed and
only gave just enough "sif" to feed them, but not necessarily make them full
and happy. Maybe not nice, but I cried with every syringe and finger feed.
Meanwhile, in between this I did everything anyone said to do to increase
supply. I talked to lactation consultant friends and fellow leaders for
support and my pediatrician who bless his soul kept me sane enough to
continue. We did blood work on me, we found nothing wrong. In the end, the
consesus was, who knows? Joanne Scott (thank you by the way) was the one who
said the most important thing to me, "Just keep nursing and eventually you
will have enough milk for them. In the meantime, supplement, but if you
never quit the nursing there will eventually be enough. Maybe not this week
or next, or even this month, but they won't always need only your milk so if
nursing is really what you want, keep at it and eventually you won't need to
supplement." Now I realize, that in 6 mos they could start solids, and in a
year they would be just like my other nursed children, and because of who I
am and what I know, I was willing to wait that long. Of course, that would
mean all those weighins. Eeeks. In the beginning they each were only getting
6-9 ml. from me. It took 3 weeks for them to be getting about 30 ml each
from me and another 3 weeks for them to start looking satisfied after
nursing. Sometimes I would try to see if they could make it a day without
the supplement or even a half a day, but when I did that there were no wet
diapers. Finally, at about 2 mos I was sitting at the table when my breasts
began to leak. I cried for joy and finally felt I was over the hump.
However, I was now addicted to weight checks at least every feeding and
sometimes I would weigh them while they slept. My friend, who lent me the
scale, knew I was in trouble and could not stop myself from checking them.
It was bizzare and so out of character for me, but the experience of not
having milk to feed my babies changed me--permantly. So, we devised a
weaning plan for me and my scale and after another couple weeks I was able to
return it and work on trusting myself again. I never did quite get to where
I use to be with my other children and now with this new one on the way, I
have had to force myself to not run out and get the scale just in case. It
is not a rational thought and after reading how all the weight checks may not
even be as accurate as I thought, maybe I will wait and see. However, when
supplementing will be necessary and mom wants breastfeeding protected, how
else can the amount of supplement needed be guaged? I understand until the
baby is "happy" concept, but if the baby gets happy after 4 oz of formula,
there goes a nursing and baby might start expecting larger volume of feed
than necessary. When peds are involved, the rule seems to be nurse, and
then give 2-3 oz, which may be more than truly necessary. Also, the idea that
mom can add pumping to her routine is not necessarily realistic. One lc
suggested I pump after nursing to increase even more and I laughed. Imagine,
nurse each twin 30 min, supplementing afterwards at breast, weighing in
between all this and again afterwards, and doing this every one and a half to
two hours, AND pumping? I can see that there needs to be some method of
knowing even if it is not 100% accurate. Some moms won't mind just doing
both and not be so obsessed about not being able to provide only their milk,
but surely there are others like me who suffered with every supplement and
really need to know.
On a positive note, for years when a mom told me she had no milk, or not
enough milk, I listened but I did not truly understand not only the reality
of it, but emotional devastation of feeling you are starving your own child.
Experience brings about change and is not always bad. Now I know more and
understand more. My pediatrician asked me afterwards, Pammy (He is the only
one who calls me that), can you imagine what a first time mommy would have
felt had she experienced this? See, even when you have all the knowledge and
preparation, not everything goes as it should. From now on, when you hear a
mom quit because she did not have enough milk (real or perceived) you won't
judge so harshly. He was right.
Pam MazzellaDiBosco, IBCLC Florida USA Now at due date and still
waiting.
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