"I see the same self-confidence, self-ownership almost, in other women born
after 1975 or so.  These are the women whose mothers have been reaping the
benefits of the rabble-rousers before them, throughout their formative
years.  They haven't struggled to get empowered, they take it completely for
granted."

Yes, I've noticed that too, and isn't it a great joy? I have to admit that I
have sometimes even been taken somewhat aback when I've encountered this
self-confidence; so many of these young women are so very firmly grounded,
so sure of their entitlement to be so, that I (no shrinking violet myself)
become immediately and suddenly aware of generational differences that I
usually don't think about. My daughters and their friends are like "Here I
am, deal with me". The generations ahead of me made it possible for me to
teach my daughters to be like that, and now, well, there they are! Wow!

Cathy Bargar RN IBCLC
Ithaca NY













-----Original Message-----
From: Rachel Myr [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
Sent: Friday, February 02, 2001 3:57 PM
Subject: variations on pop-it beads theme


I am really feeling vindicated by all these posts about the rough handling
of babies by hospital staff, and the universally negative reactions on the
part of mothers.  It will help next time I am teaching about care around the
first feeding, to be able to say this is a problem all over the globe (at
least where BF has become the object of institutionalized help, because the
normalcy of BF has been lost, but I may skip that in talks to hospital
staff).

It is fascinating, though, to compare very young primiparous mothers'
approach to BF when they are subjected to institutional care, and when they
are in charge of their environments.  If they are lucky enough to have been
BF and have their own mothers along to the hospital, it goes well.  The
presence of the grandmother prevents staff from coming between the new
mother and baby.  If they are alone, our mature staff people tend to take
over, and the mothers get very helpless.

In the home, there isn't a clock ticking or a meter running, reminding us
that in 2 hours I will be off duty and WE HAVE TO ACCOMPLISH LATCH before
then, or in one day her stay will be over and it HAS to be sorted out by
then.  I think the simple absence of time pressure is conducive to a better
start, and of course the limited number of people involved in helping makes
for true continuity.  But the most important thing is that the baby is the
focus.  Mother tunes in to the baby and guess what?  Feeding just happens.

When my daughter was small, her way of feeling safe in a new place was to
find a toy and BF it.  She would sit tailor-style in a corner with a doll or
teddy bear, cradle it, smile at it, talk to it, then pull up her shirt and
apply it to her chest in a perfect en face position, with a beatific
expression on her face.  I will be astounded if she needs to be shown how to
feed a baby if and when the occasion should arise.  And I would love to be a
bug on the wall if someone she didn't know, started handling her breasts.
She would become violent.

I see the same self-confidence, self-ownership almost, in other women born
after 1975 or so.  These are the women whose mothers have been reaping the
benefits of the rabble-rousers before them, throughout their formative
years.  They haven't struggled to get empowered, they take it completely for
granted.  At least here, we are in for some fun times!

cheers
Rachel Myr
Kristiansand, Norway

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