Barbara W-C writes:

>
>Crying "all the time" needs investigation.  I don't dismiss the mother who
>complains of this as if she is somehow not able to tell the difference
>between normal and not normal.  All of us -- even including inexperienced
>moms -- are capable of recognising distress.  Whatever the reason, that's
>what this mom is telling her helpers that her baby is expressing.  She and
>baby need direct observation to attempt to uncover the source of the
>distress.



Barbara, I would *never never* 'dismiss'  a mother thinking she can't
tell the difference between normal and not normal. That's why I said
some of the reasons for the baby's crying 'may' be connected with the
fact the mother does not know she can feed as and when she and the
baby want to, and that wanting/needing to feed doesn't have to be
signalled by crying.

I think a crying baby *is* in distress, and I would *always* take
this seriously.  Of course it needs investigation, and the very first
level of investigation would be to check out if this is a question of
a mother not responding to baby's cues, thinking the baby had to feed
x times a day, or had to cry for feeds etc etc.

I get many, many calls from mothers in despair at their babies crying
and I know how difficult it is for them to cope with.  These mothers
often do not know what normal is - I mean, they know it is not normal
to cry and cry, but they genuinely do not know it is normal for a
baby to feed a lot, and to need the breast for comfort as well as
food and drink.  By the time they reach me, they have often sought
advice from various places, much of which involves strictures which
they do not want to follow, like giving the baby formula, putting the
baby in a room and leaving him to cry until he falls asleep, only
feeding every four hours and so on.

It is liberating and reassuring to many mothers to learn their normal
healthy baby loves them and wants to be close to them, and that if
feeding stops the crying, and prevents it in the first place, then it
is fine to do it!

Much of the volunteer counsellor's work is empowering mothers to do
just this, and to feel good about it, in the face of a society that
accuses them of 'spoiling' their baby.

Yes, some babies are in acute pain, and this causes the crying.
Often, this is what worries mothers - they think there is something
undiagnosed causing their babies severe agony. Of course this has to
be investigated if the baby is feeding ad lib and is still crying.


Heather Welford Neil
NCT bfc Newcastle upon Tyne UK

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