I have to agree with this about the crying baby, at least as something to
seriously consider:

> He may be crying because crying is the only way he can ask to be put
> to the breast - this mum i ) may  just not know what normal healthy
> baby behaviour is ii)  may be missing other signs of the baby
> needing/wanting to be fed iii) may not realise it is 'permissable' to
> bf just 'cos it's a nice thing to do - some mothers really believe
> they should only *ever* feed when the baby is yelling blue murder.

It brings to mind one of the situations that helped me to decide that I
wanted to pursue Lactation Consulting and work toward an IBCLC.  A friend of
mine, C. (I'll us initials to try and keep the women in the story straight),
had her second baby when her first child was about 2 yo.  She had a lot of
questions about breastfeeding (wasn't successful with the first).  She kept
calling another friend, J., who had worked as a WIC peer councelor,
sometimes even in the middle of the night, totally stressed.  She complained
that the baby cried all the time and wouldn't sleep -- this is at a couple
days old.  J. kept trying to encourage her to breastfeed, because that's
what C. was asking and what C.'s husband wanted for his baby.

Unfortunately some ignorant people from our church told C. that she should
use formula and that the "militant breastfeeders" were causing her stress.
Knowing who they were, I'm quite convinced they were encouraging a schedule,
too.  They kept taking her children out for walks so she could rest -- she
said she'd lay there crying, missing her children.  And I can only imagine
the state the baby was in when he returned!

As J. and I discussed things, C. just didn't know WHAT to expect from
babies, even though it was her 2nd baby.  She seemed to think at 1-2 weeks
old she could put him in his crib and he'd sleep for hours, if not all
night.  I believe the crib was in the toddler's room -- they had only 2
bedrooms -- and she didn't want the baby to wake the toddler, but she
refused to bring the baby into her room even in the crib, never mind
cosleep.  That he wouldn't cry more than a couple minutes at a time.  She
wouldn't consider a sling.  J. couldn't get her to recognize pre-cry "nurse
me" cues.  It was crazy.  And the mixed signals from the "opposition" didn't
help.

Funny thing is, J., who spent a lot of time with her the first couple of
weeks, said she rarely heard the baby cry.  J. thought the breastfeeding was
going pretty well, too.  It was C's expectations that were off, not the
reality that was so bad.  But J couldn't get through to her.  Our pastor
prayed for her one morning and just burst out crying because I *knew* what
she needed was perspective, someone to help her understand that her baby was
*normal*, and I knew the bad advice she was getting made it worse instead of
better.

Eventually (I'd say by the time he was 2 weeks old) the baby ended up on
formula while she went home to mom (kids stayed with her husband) for a
couple weeks.  The baby had SEVERE allergic reactions to all kinds of
formula. Couldn't even handle the real expensive stuff for allergic babies.
Baby was on meds for the breathing problems most of the first year (until
enough of his diet was table foods), not to mention oxygen.  :-(  Really
ticked me off, because I realized it was total misinformation that seriously
jeopordized this baby's health.

Given the baby's allergies, some dietary changes on C's part may have helped
a LOT with the breastfeeding and early fussiness (didn't seem to react to
most table foods, though), which J. would have recognized had the militant
formula feeders (<g> couldn't resist), which included the wives of an elder
and the youth pastor, not cut her off from C.  But even the way C. chose to
bottle feed continued to display her lack of knowledge about "normal healthy
baby behavior", and she continued to be stressed about things like her 2
month old baby not taking a full 8 ounces of formula with added baby cereal.

The last time I saw the child (we've since left that church), he was a happy
(though overweight) toddler, and the allergies had pretty much disappeared
since he had stopped taking formula.  I believe her husband wanted more
children, but she refused and they took permanent action.  Her
misunderstanding, exactly as described in the quote I snipped above, had far
reaching consequences.

All this just to illustrate how a mother's perspective, or lack of
knowledge/experience, or advice from wellmeaning (but ignorant) friends, or
almost anything, can really affect what she believes about her baby,
*especially* in those first few weeks when she's *exhausted* and *hormonal*.

Obviously, I don't know the whole of it, and it is possible something else
is going on with the baby in question.  Barbara Wilson-Clay mentioned how
she had a mother come and "hang out" with her while she evaluated the baby's
cry.  Something like that may be a good way to get a handle on whether
you're dealing with perspective or a problem that may need to be looked at.

~ Heidi

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