In a message dated 11/18/0 6:50:56 PM, [log in to unmask] writes:

<< [[Julia wrote:  "I really don't appreciate it being implied that this was a

horrible thing that she did to this child without knowing the whole story. I

think she needs to be applauded for nursing as long as she did in this

society.]]

I've been thinking the same thing.  One thing I've heard some mothers say is

that they want to wean by one year because it's "too hard to get them to

stop" after that.  This story and the reaction sort of verifies this fear.

While Annie's weaning may not have truly been "child led", I also don't think

it's horrible that this mother weaned at age three in spite of the daughters

asking to nurse.  Like Julia said, that's a lot longer than the majority of

mothers (at least in the US) even hope to breastfeed.

Lori Salisbury >>

Lori and Julia,
I just do not understand this perspective. Are you saying that b/c she nursed
for 3 years, the trauma to the child is somehow less significant? I would
find it less upsetting to see a mother wean at one year w/o such trauma than
3 years with the trauma. How is the length of time in and of itself the
litmus test for a satisfying nursing relationship? Many Lactnetters have felt
that negative reaction from some of us has come from an attitude of "not long
enough" or "mother led weaning is wrong". Neither of these is my opinion. And
I do not think child-led weaning is the ideal, either. I don't even know
exactly what that means, since we as mothers do impose our own intentions in
one way or another, even though it needn't be traumatic. I have friends who
have nursed happily and successfully for much shorter times and others who
have actively encouraged and guided weaning in toddlers.
    The difference is these women have not written and published for public
consumption a "poem" designed to ellicit sympathy for their perspectives. The
point for me has been that this is not about a group of people sitting in a
living room, judging the mother down the street. This woman wrote and
published a "poem", which was intended to invoke response in its readers.
Clearly her intention was to invoke a *particular* response, consistent w/
her world view. Unfortunately, in many of us, she invoked a different
response. I think some people are identifying with this mother and feeling
defensive, but as I have said before, it is her attempt to convince the
reader that this child chose this, etc that I am reacting to. Not how long
she nursed, not that she was torn about her decision, not that she (like all
of us) isn't the perfect mother, not even that she misread and traumatized
her child--just that she seems so compelled to convince us otherwise.
Jennifer Tow, IBCLC, CT, USA

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