Barb Otterson asked for suggestions about a breastfed three year old who
hurts his father's feelings.
First, I want to commend you, Barb, for your bravery in sharing this, and
your husband for not blaming the breastfeeding.
My gut reaction is that this is not about breastfeeding, but about the three
year old's trying to figure out where he fits in, in the relationship
between mother and father when they are together.  Father and son get along
great when mother isn't around, and mother and son likewise.  I honestly
don't think weaning will make a difference.  Barb, I understand why you felt
pressed into withholding nursing until he apologized, but I wouldn't judge
you inconsistent as a parent if you were unable to maintain your resolve for
the whole day.  Again, my gut reaction on behalf of the child is that that
'punishment' is out of proportion, and more importantly, out of context
with, the offense, and probably will not help.  I don't think I am
underestimating the child by believing that he may not be able to feel the
kind of abstract empathy needed to understand how he has hurt the adults.
On reading through the post, what jumps out at me is a child checking out
where mom's loyalty lies, as if there is a conflict between loyalty to her
partner and loyalty to the child.  Note the words 'as if', I am not implying
that there is a conflict, only that it seems the child perceives one.
Mother's empathy with father is causing her pain as well, and the child will
likely sense this without understanding it the same way we would.
I don't feel able to offer suggestions for remedying the situation, but
sometimes the remedy becomes clear when you see the situation from a
different angle, perhaps redefining the conflict.  Good luck on the journey.
Rachel Myr
formerly a child, currently a parent
Norway

             ***********************************************
The LACTNET mailing list is powered by L-Soft's renowned
LISTSERV(R) list management software together with L-Soft's LSMTP(TM)
mailer for lightning fast mail delivery. For more information, go to:
http://www.lsoft.com/LISTSERV-powered.html